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0001 THE WEST VAN NEWS December 12, 19SO. ~v w h R~ AvvP~r V v vv~rrv r~ or v v vs w I rrv svs 4 ~ i w W'r W v srp'M@4 rr d'or v sp.' v 'tpm m~ '~F v v\ s. . 's v v r . v vr rrv r..mrrr.-rvrri '-.r -rrvvr rvr.fr~rV'r 'rrvvrvr ~'rvb rcr rvvrrr rrrvr vvrvr vr vrvs 'vvv .rvv vvrrrrrr rv r% Smith 's Grocery THE RED AND WHITE STORES Dundarave 2P4~ "..."'„",„',„", HOIlyburn Phone: west 45 Suggestions Friday and Saturday, Dec. 12th 8 13th Rvd R hfhihv TO51ATO JUICE, p uu .............. ....... ...... .. iev COOKED HA51. skinless, Flvtvhvv's, psv lb.............. 55s EAGI.E MILK, pvv ils ....... 17v COLL'MBIA PEAS. Na 5, zs FAL'LTLESS CORN. zs. COLUlllslA TOMATOES. 21)s 1 liu of vsvh--3 for 35v LEMONS, pvv doves ............. 19c COOKLVG FIGS, Smyrna. pvv 1 ec BULK DATES, Ssivs, new crop 3 lbs. 25e 1'ELLohh SC'GAR. hulk, 4 lbs. 19c STRAWBERRY JAhl, Columbia 4 lb. liu 4$v Lt'.hlP SUGAR, bulk,. 2 lbs 17v HONEY, Bsokist, 2H iis liu sss SHAliER SALT, Windsor, th lb. pkl.........,. ss. XMAS BAKING SUPI'LlES Baking Powder. Rsd 41 White 12 os........,,... 2$c !Ilulsssss, Rvd 41 White, 29 os. 144 hlolsssos, Domo'vo, 2 lbs....., 27s Bsksssy Shortening, lb............ lec Csks Flour, Swsssdswll, pvr packet ........................ $$o Bollvd Cider, Gold Brand, 12 os. 23c Seedless Rsisius, 4 Ih pkl..... 4$v Seedless Rsislss. Nsbob, 15 oa packets.................. 2 for 25c Sssdless Rslsiss, Vubob, 15 os, packet» ......... 2 for 2$v Curvsuls, Aust. 2 lbs. zsv MEATS FOR CASH Under the supervision of Bert Salter Prime Steer Beef Pot Roast ...... 1214c Oven Roast ................... 15c Blade Rib Roast................ 15c Rump Roast........... 20c 8: 22c Sirloin Roasts .................:.. 25c Cambridge Sausage 2 lbs for 25c Kidney Suet, chopped 20c lb. Pork Pork Legs ........................ 15c Pork Butts ................. 20c Pork Loin ....................... 24c Farmer Pork Sausage 25c lb. No. I New Zealand Butter 3 lbs 61.10 Pullet Extra EGGS - 35c a doz Roberts'etter Meats 1586 Maf jne Drive Daily Delivery to All parts. West 190 THE FLOWER SHOP~ Holly tVreafhs - afistietoe - Holly Sprays As some women visitors were going through a prison under the escort of the governor, they came to s room in which three women were sewing. "Dear me,o remarked one of the visitors. "What low, vicious lookir.g creatures! I never saw such depraved faces. What are they here for?" "Because they have no other home," replied the superin- tendent. "This is our sitting room, and these are my wife and two daughters." "Mother," said little Ronny, coming down to lunch, "the mir- ror's missing from the bath- room." The parent looked hard at the child. "Oh," she murmured, "and when you washed your face, how did you know it was cleanr'That was easy, mother," re- plied the child, innocently enough, «I looked at the towel." The stage for the second turn in a vieriety show was held by an illusionist. «I now come to my great per- formance," he told his audience, and, without another word, he opened a big black box, from which there was no apparent out- let, put a woman in it, and shut down the lid. When he opened the box again there was nothing inside but s couple of white rab- bits. After the performance a Scots- man who had been much im- pressed by the trick, went to the illusionist and asked if he could perform the trick if his (the Scotsman's) wife were placed in the box. "'IVhy, yes!" answered the il- lusionist. "But are you anxious to get rid of your wife?" oIVeel," answered the Scot, "it's no sae much that, but wee Jock, my boy, got me tae promise him twa rabbits for his birth- day." Ambleside Lumber Co., Ltd. Phone 1Vest 199 Marine Dr. at 16th NIGHT PHONE after 5 p.m., West 241R. Ask for Gerry Dent Xmas Trees 25c and 50c. Place your orders early Cut Flowers, Pot Plants, Baskets for Xmas Gifts 1 Phone West 191 s A "Tau" Order The.headmaster'9 special mon itor was leaving, and little Smith coveted the honor. The Head smiled, but pointed out that such a small chap would be useless in lots of ways. Smith disagreed. 'WVell, what would you say if I asked you to dust the ceiling?" teased the head. Quick as Hghtnlng came the reply, oi'd eay gimme the duster sir.o He got the job. An old gentlemtn came upon two boys squabbling furiously by the riverbank. Thinking there would be a fight between them, he hurried up and mildly remon- strated with the elder of the two. ")Vhat are you arguing a- bout v" he kindly asked. ")Veil, sir," returned the big- ger boy, "we weren't exactly arguing." He paused and held up a big orange. "An argument is a diiTerence of opinion, isn't it?o he went on, after a while. "That's certainly true," smiled the peacemaker. "Well, we haven't had a diiTer- ence of opinion," the boy con- tinued, "'Cos Jimmy here thinks I'm not going to give him half of this orange, and I thinks the same." A notoriously mean man, hearing that a doctor charged 6s. 6d. for a first consultation and 2s. 6d. for a second, went to to him and said: "Here we are again, doctor." "I don't remember seeing you before," said the doctor. "Oh, yee, I was here last week." "Indeed, I had forgotten. How are you keeping?o "Not at all well." "Then," said the doctor, "just continue your last prescription for another week. That will bc two-and-sixpence, please." A political meeting in the vil- lage hall was being continually interrupted by a heckler in the back row. "I want an honest answer to my questions," he roared. "I'l take nothing but 'Yes or 'No.o All this beating about the bush won't do for me.o "Very well," said the exasper- ated speaker. "I'l try to oblige. What do you want to ask me new?" The heckler tried a very old trick on him. "Have you stopped beating your wife?" he inquired. To the amazement of the as- sembly, the speaker shook his head. "No," he replied, "I beat her this morning. For a moment the heckler him self was speechless. "What!" he yelled at last. "You admit that you beat her?'he speaker nodded, "Yes, I do. I beat her at golf, three up and two to play. Smithson entered a restaurant and looked down the menu card. "Chicken soup," he ordered. Presently the soup was put be- fore him, but with the first mouthful the waiter noticed that something was wrong. oDo you call this chicken soup?" asked Smithson, angrily. "Yes, sir," replied the waiter, "that is chicken soup." "But, where's the chicken?o asked the diner. "I see none in the soup." "Quite so, sir," explained the waiter; "and there is no dog in dog biscuit." The story goes that s negro hsd been s servant lu s rich house, whore an siforl wss made lo touch him 7roysv English. One dsy hs went lo his home In Alabama. As hs ssl at the table his brother said: "Ssm, give ms some 'lassos" "You mustn't ssy 'lasses," sold Ssm, "you must ssy 'Molussssho His brother said sogvOy--"Hov's I gwine to ssy 'Mo-losses'hen I slu'1 hsd none ystf" Jefferies Superior Meats Government Inspected Only BARGAINS In Every %Vindow LAMB, BEEF. PORK, VEAL COOKED MEATS OF ALL KINDS, DEI.ICATESSEN (Two Stores for your service) HOLLYBURN STORE AMBI b'31DL STORF West 3 WEST 303 West Vancouver Lumber Co. 16th snd Marine LISIITED Phone West 116 )V. J. Turnbuu, 51anager, Residence Phone: West 368L SERVICE LU SER SASH DOORS ROOFING BUILDING PAPER Lamatco -- Gyproc -- I'laster Board CBeaver Bmird -- Shingles Dundarave Ladies'hoir Program of Concert to be held in United Church on Tues- day, December 16th, under the direction of Mrs. F. X. Hodg- son: 1. Congregation and Choir--"It Came Upon the Midnight Clear" 2. "In Bethlehem" ............. Choir S, "The Gift" ............................................Mrs. W. R. Clark 4. "Sweet was the Song" ............................................... Choir 5. Quartette--"Bring a Torch, Jeanette, Isabella" ................Mesdames Froud, Gray, Young and Burling 6. Contralto Solo--"When Joseph Was Walking".......... ..............................................................Mrs. F. Burling 7. "The Shepherds Had an Angel"................................... Choir 8. Soprano Solo--"A Sacred Luuaby"...............Mrs. R. Froud 9. oA Cradle Song" ..................................................... Choir 10. "The Holy Child" ........................................Mrs. H. A. Eager 11. Contralto Solo--"The Three Mummers"..Miss Joan Durbin 12. "An Old Song" ...............................................................Choir 13. (a) Contralto Solo--"He Shall Feed His Flock"........ ............................................................Mrs. F. X. Hodgson (b) Soprano Solo--"Come Unto Him" . Miss Margaret Rankine 14. oOh Holy Night" (Sextette)....Mesdames Wiuoughby, Brydon, Hodgson, Edwards, Bain and Jack 15. "Soft and Slow" ..........................................................Choir 16. Contralto Solo--"I Saw Three Ships"...Mrs. F. X. Hodgson 17. "The Three Kings" ....................................................... Choir 18. Soprano Solo--"Rejoice Greatly"................Mrs. C. Donohoe 19. "Hymn to Night" ..........................................................Choir "Daughter, whsl Rind of s dog do "Why are you standing over there you want for your birthday?" throwing stones at that poor little "Oh, I'd like one of those black- boy?" haired isss hounds I'e heard so much "Because I daren't go suy slossv, about." m ss. He's got whooping cougtu" You Gaff SaveOne ~ " Dollar If you pay your telephone bill by the 18th of the month B. C. TEI.EPHONE COMPANY