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001C98D0 ~lt January 24, 1930. I ~ ~ ~ Whimsical Review& ~ The 5Ioney Changers Cohen and his family sat down to dinner on Sunday. To &his three'boys Cohen said: "Now children, which af you & would vant it a nickel instead of meat for dinner?" Each of the 'hree decided in favor of the cash settlement, so Mrs. Cohen put the meat away. Then she brought in the pie and put it on the table. "Now my children," inquired Cohen, "how many of you vant a nickel's worth of pie?" As the rector was leaving a temperance meeting,'e encount- ered one of his flock consider- ably the worse for drink. "Oh, William!" he exclaimed. "I'm sui~rised to find you in this state. I'm sorry! I'm sorry--- very- sorry!" "Well,",muttered the man, "if you'e reallv sorry, I--I forgive you." "Ah, madam," said, the pious visitor. "I am'going about giv- ing advice and consolation to un- happy wives.. Do you know where your 'usband is every »ight?" "Indeed, I do." "Alas, madam. You think you do,'tbut'he may'be here, there, ar.ywhere." '%Veil, if he gets I out of the place where he is now, he has to raise a granite slab that weighs at~least a ton; and'&he couldn". evenllift a scuttle of coal while h«was alive." "I don't believe you love~me any move," sobbed the sheba.. ",Why do you say. 4t that, dearie?" asked the shiek anxi- ously. ".AVell,'or the last week you'e left every knight before father threatened to throw you out." ~- A ivelI-known author was vain- ly, endeavoring,to write when he -,wasl repeatedly interruptedi by'is six-year-old son.'If you ask me one more question," the har- assed writer at last declared, "I will go out and drown myself."~ "Father," = came i the small voice,",may, I come out and'see you do it?" = Pert Young Thing: "Don't you think there should be more clubs for women?" Grumpy Old Thing: "Oh, no! I'hould~beinclined) to try kind: ness first."'~ '1 'rratic Maiden Lady:'"I say, salesperson! I Is ithis the mirror. department?" ;," Clerk: "Yes, Ma'm." .. . Erratic Maidens Lady: '".AVell, 'd like to see somethingiodd in.l s mirrol. = i Clerk: "Yes, ma'm. Just take a look in this one, ma'm." Teacher: "Willie,, what, is l a skeleton?" Willie (after giving the matter allot of thought): "Please, sir, a skeleton is a man with'his in- sides out and his outside off." = The sweet young thing gazed pensively at the peaceful rural'cene.. "EVhy are youI l.unning that steam roller over the field?" she asked at last. ; "I'ml raising mashed potatoes ~ is year," replied the farmer. At two o'lock in'the morning a Scotsman vang the'bell at a chemist's shop. "Fancy calling me out of bed a morning like this for two pen- »yworth of sodium, bicarbonate for indigestion," the chemist 'tormed from his bedroom, wili- dow, "when a glass of hot water would do just as well." "W'eel, weel," saidi the Scots- nian, "I thank ye~ for youv ad- vice,and I'l be no tvoublin'e after all, Good mornin'." THE V/EST VAN NEWS G. D. Elgar who headed the Election for the 1930 Council. A. Harvey Smith Elected to the School Board for NOTICE TO OUR READERS 1930. e cP !I Receipt of personal items, let- Iliters; reports of meetings of or- COUNCIL NOTES ganizations or l associations 'r any general news items will beA'etter was received fr unwelcomed by the editor, and heNorth Vancouver City Council in will be ghd to have same at any regard to an imProved Postal time. They may, be phoned into service on the North Shore and Vilest 363 in the afternoon or enclosing coPies of some corr evenings, or dropped into the box IIi sPondence relative to same which 'n the door of the office at 14th had ~ Passed between t them t and «nd) Marine Drive i or mailed i to the Post office dePartment. They Editor /Vest Van News, pox 101, weve informed the councilihatl 'Hollyburn'Post'Office, Q.C. All ltbeen advised'that the matter of such items must he in his hands 'anI improved service for Wes by noon each Thursday to be in- ,Vancouver had been referred to P cludeci in that week's issue.the dePartment in Ottawa. m He would )however 'be .very . 'll grateful if contributors,'n those Richards Akroyd Er Ga I w Iiinstances where it is convenient the council in reference to D. L. to them,"send inttheir,items or 811,l'Block 2, Lot 12 8, which ireportslbefore Thursday, as by they wished to acquil'e «v,'Mv. » so t.doing material i assistance Caulfeild. The matter,was refer- i, given in getting the paper out on red to the incoming council' time The l sanitary inspector,wrote IIi Th f , the council re M. Johnston's ay- wii}~ sweeteniangi flavor a licevplication for a building,fermi . 'The matter was refevled tolthe approving off!cer'. =-gIt is easier.to wash and,wipe . sauce-pans i while i they l are l hot LuciIlel Sanderson t wrote the. from cooking than when they are council in reference "to Ithe 1'e- )cold subdivision of '556-30-2 and 3: The matter was refelredIto the ='Locks that are stiff"landl are approving officer. hard to turn should be oiled with a feather dipped in good machine The engineer reported)to the oil. &Insert the feather through li council'n ~ the keyhole and twist from side cVean s application for t~, s!de. 'his oils the Imparts and '~broad repair D.L.f554 N W pt, IIlloosens dirt.. D & F - 12. cWould cost $16; An'« )expenditure of that amount was 'Puddings containing.custardsshould I always lbe cooked slow- 2. 'Z. Mucyh~y, culvert 480-80- 5. I Cost $ 15. Referred to the in= 'omingcouncil. = . I gl'p 4 '( 3. S. ~ Lambert's complaint. Three methods of remedy pos- sible: g (a) $ Sewarage system I by-law. III(b) ~Steel pipe inside flume at a ll I"'/ )(c) Rock Filter at a cost of $40. i, An expenditure of $40 author- ized and tthe applicantlto be solI ~„j informed. America'Most l Celebrated Humorist &vill now please you. "A. H. Milner wrote the councillor I ~ace i~ 'c:in reference to suvface water at,. ™~1~. Ni& S ~N I 24th&andi Ottawa. An expendi-' . from'ureof$40 was authoriseci. 4 in'His I4; A'hilpott ivrote the coun- - c FIRST TALKING PICTURE cil in reference to surface water I )'/he~ Had,tat Caulfeild. The engineer was instructed to make a further re- !,, ~ TO «See I 'Paris &,=r~)Vhen ivashing colored articles ~ ~ the water should'be warm,Inot f t'~l'hot,and,they should not be al- 'li, 0NSDA'L i~loweci to remainl clamp tinnier than is absolutely necessary. A little vinegar added to the rins- COiQING ing Water lhelpS tOIbVighten aS, I Mon., Tues., Wed., Next Week well as fix the colors. The Lady Lies ',! DELIVERY OI'hurs., Fri ~, Sat. next vEsT vAN NElvs Three, Live Ghosts --.- Any notigetting their V'est Il Qnpe&&SOn l rrid lye&eningS'hoover heard of such a thing ',, as 3 live ghosts and Talking ature I requested to Phone AVest "this--HEAR TEIIS FOR YOUR- 363, when'the omission will re- SELF, ceive attention. IN6LE%'OOD AUDITORI UBI The centre of School Basketball activities. For All Kinds of Job Printing Phone North 53 SIIox~mm KcLx,~w A Van.oui. LTn.. patiwams. Noicrn V~icnuvaa. .7 CLASSIFIED ADS RELIABLE GIRL -- Will stay with children days or evenings. Phone . West 430X2. FOR SALE--A Fire~ Basket, $3.00. Phone West 123R2. SVINDOW BLliNDS -- Made to Order and installed. Estimates free. Pearce's Drygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. FOUNDATION CEWIENT WORK ,f~ Landscaping and Lamas laid. c Rock i walls, drains, septic tanks, fencing,'nd land clearing. Phone T. Barnott'esidencephone, %'est 290R. NURSINC Experienced. Sick Child- ren's, Toronto, Thessalon, Ont., Ross- land, B.G., Trail, B.C.'Hospital. Miss Humphreys, Phone West 252R. LOST--A Pair of Horn-rimmed Spec- tacles. Reward. 'hone West 393. ICOLLER SKATING to the tune of the pipes at the Hollyburn Pavilion I BOY 16--Wants work after school and on Saturdays. Phon West 380L2. FOR DRESS&IAKING AND SEWING apply 2791 Marine Drive or phone West 74R1. FOIC ICENT--Four Roomed Suite, hot il'ater heated, 16th and Marine Drive Phone West 359R. FOR SALE--Two waterfront Lots m :, Ilollyburn, 107 foot frontage by 250 feet on corner. What offers. K. W. Savory. Phone West 340. WANTED: Land 'learing; Wood Sawing with machine. Large or small jobs. J. Glover. Phone West 214 R. FOR t PLUBIBING ICEPAIRS--.Phone West 241R. WEBB'S SHOE REPAIRS WEAl'. BEST--Dundarave. GEO. HA.Y Real Estate and insurance Notary 'ublic I"ire f Insurance -- Money ) to Loan PHONE %VEST 21 1405 Marine Drive Office Phone West 21 or Sey. 1260 "Residence Phone,W. 32R or W. 204X GARDENS DESIGNED, Laid Out and Maintained, Rock Gardens, Lily and Ornamental Pools La@ms Rustic Work, Fencing, l Concrete Paths. Drives, etc., Pruning and Spraying, '-l I~ndscape and General Gardening. R. J. Kyte, Phone West 411. I'AINTI4 G, DECORATING, FRAN CH Polishing, Carley, Phone West 71Y H MISTITCHING--Plam Irhite 5c yard; silk and colored 10c yard. 'Pearce's Drygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. =- SCHSUEPPES LEMONADE, & CAN- ADA DRY CINGERALE and all the Pi'ood i Brands of Cigars at The Ambleside Tca Rooms.-- R P. CLARK 8: CO. ESTATES I TD SACRIFICE S IAP~2&P C»h aiice same as rent at pe monthly. ~ioderate s&ze home, o bedroom& kitchen livmg room with fireplace full plumbing, concrete foundation, large lot. Two blocks from Marine Drive on paved street.'ull price $1750. R. P. CLAICK 4 CO. ESTATES LTD- f90 Dunsmuir St. Seymour 7484 'Local Representative ~,'. J. ARCHER, West 225.