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001C970A lfarch 28, 1929. THE NEST VAN NENS Whimsical Review A professor, coming to one of his classes a little late, found an uncomplimentary caricature of himself drawn on the board. Turning to the student nearest him, he inquired. angrily: "Do you know who is responsible for that atrocity?" "No, sir, I don'," replied the student, "but I strongly suspect his parents." IVe'll Say We Need ~Iore of 'Em! What good's a talking mara- thon? Too many folks talk on and on. Why not a contest with a prize That would encourage silent guys. IVrong I'lace! Customer: "I want to get some 'nvitations to a party." Fresh Clerk: "Wrong place, lady. EUe ain't giving any party here!" Lit tie Sniff leblister: "Say, uncle, when are you going to play football again?" The Rich Uncle: "EVhy, I don' play football. What makes you ask me that question?" Little Sni ffleblister: "Well, ,, pop says that when you kick off-ive are going to get a brand-new automobile and a house." A grammarian is one who does not care what the picture is if it has a gaudy frame. She considers herself a most ex- clusive person. Yes, my dear, she even sings duets alone. "I hope," said one wife to an- other, "that you never nag your husband?" "Only when he is beating the carpets," said the second one. "When he is thoroughly irritated he makes a much better job of it." "IVhat would you do if you had a son like mine?" "I'd work hard to disprove the theory of heredity." Teacher (in grammar class) "Wil lie, please tell me what it is when I say: "I love, you love, he loves?' AVillie: "That's one of them tri- angles where somebody gets shot." Lipstick IIe: "Let's kiss and make up. She: "If you'l be careful I avon't need to. First Lady--EVhy don't you like her? Second Lady--I don't know, but I'l find a reason yet. prophet announces that America ivill sink under the sea. In the meantime strenuous ef- forts are being made to keep the country dry. Bibulous Gent (to contortionist at circus): "Shay, ole fellow, whash'at- ter? You look like I'm drunk!" She-sez: "I have no sympathy for a man who gets drunk every night." He sez: "A man who gets drunk every night doesn't need sympathy." If man's next great war is with insect pests, we want first shot at the one who never quite closes the door as he goes out. Old Slow Poke: "&Iister Jack- son, er--that is, I would like to --er--that is, I mean I have b=-en going with your daughter for five years." Old 4fan: "EVell, whadda you want--a pension?" "EVhen two people like the same thing their married life is bound to be happy," sighed the romantic girl. "Well, you and George ought to be happy," remarked her friend, who wanted George and didn't get him. "I know you love him, and I notice he is very fond of himself." manager of an important lirm s&tting in his office one morning, heard a knock on his door. In reply to his "Come in," a tall, thin. energetic fellow ent- ered. "I'm looking for a job," he said, "and I want to tell you sir, I'm the best salesman in the world!" To which the manager re- sponded: "You'e taking in quite a lot of territory, aren't you?" "Nevertheless," said the man, "I am the best salesman in the world. Send me on the road for a month and I'l prove it." "O.K.," said the manager. "A month's trial." A month elapsed and not one order was sent in by the new salesman. One morning he re- appeared and the manager said: "Oh, it's you, is it?" The man replied, "Yes. I'm here to make you an apology. I told you I was the best salesman in the world. EVhat I want to say noiv is that I am the second best salesman in the world. The best salesman in the world is the fellow who sold you that bunch of junk you sent me out to sell." SIOVING~uick Service; Reasonable Prices; Builders'upplies. We sup- ply everything. Hobb Transfer, West 17. II YOU I iTEND TO BUILD or Want your house altered or repaired, phone Colin Turner, builder, 13th and Haywood, West 679R COW hIANURE-- 100 Loads for Sale. Orde r quick and save disappoint- ment. Hobb Transfer. West 17. WANTED--Reliable Woman hy hoar, chiefly Sundays and holidays, goodas waitress and general help Ap ply by letter, Blue Dragon Inn, Whytecliff. GAltDF'ilNG by the Day or Hour- G. Stack. IVest 92Y1. ...Ome Squares What better share could you have than lVest Vancouver Home Shares? A SHARE in a Home mean a roof over your head. Think this over. We have a complete List of Houses for Sale. and can assist you to Build. GEO. HA.Y Notary Public Fire Insurance -- baloney to Loan 1405 Marine Drive Office Phone %Vest 21 or Sey. 1260 Residence Phone W. 32R or W. 204X ALTAMONT D.L. 556 Block 97--Nine Tenths of an Acre Block 101--Over 5, of an Acr&-'ith 275 Ft. Front- age, Facing South $500 Block 54 --Nine Tenths of an Acre, 4's Block from Marine Drive, Jest off 29th Street. $600 Small Cash Payments and easy terms on all the above. WHITAKER Ei WHITAKER 942 IVest I'ender St. VANCOUVER, B. C- BOSTO.i BL LL TERRIER PUPPIES Also good rom boat for sale. Phone &est 174L FOR RENT-- ~iodern 4 Room Furn-i»ed Bungalow with Garage; also semi-modern 4-room furnished cot- tage. Dundarave. Phono West 451R. BOYS.~oia the North Shore Junior Aero Club and learn about air- planes and engines. particulars from Colonel Savory at office. 6-Tl BE ALL ELECTRIC Table &Iodel R dio Set complete ~th Sp akerand Tubes, sPecial at $ 160.00. One only left. North Shore Electric gaRadio Store 1540 Lonsdaie PhoneNorth 79, GARDEN BARRO1% S--Strong, Light, Painted. price $5.00. delivered sub-ject to approval. Phone North 364R FOR RENT OR SALE -- House onwaterfront at Altamont. ApplyLeyland, West 63R1. ELECTRIC ltADIO--A few real bar. gains in used sets. See as for Radioand Wiring Supplies. North Shore Electric, 1540 Lonsdale Ave., North Vancouver, Phone North 79. TO R~T--Thoroughly Cleaned readyto occupy four (4) room house withfuel. Garage. $25. Twenty-five dol-lars per month. Phone Fair. 555X. I OR IDENT--Bright four room fiat.Bathroom, open fireplace; above B. C. Electric Store. Apply J. T. WattNest 101. PAINTER -- Expert Kahomin ing reasonable C L Konings 2456 Bellevue. Phone West 214X. F'R Pl USIBING REPAIR PhoneWest 241R. SCHWEPPES L~IONADE ADA DRY GINGERALE aad all theGood Brands of Cigars at TheAmbleside Tea Rooms. GARDENS DESIGNED, Laid Oat andMaintained Rock Gardens Lily andOrnamental Pools, Lawns, Rustic work, Fencing, Concrete Paths,Drives, etc., Pruning and Spraying,Landscape and General Gardening R. J. Kyte, Phoae West 172X1. SEWING WANTED -- Ladies'nd Children's work. Mrs. Bloxham,Phoae West 226. WEBB'S SHOE REPAIRS WEAR BEST--Dundarave. iXEWBIAN dL ROBBINS Contractors, Builders, Painting pap- erhanging Alterations and Repairs. Promptly Executed. House PhoneWest 74R1. CLASSIFIED ADS I's~Ofl PRODUCERS RIBUTORS LTD REPIN BRS DISTRIBUTORS Houses for Sale HORNE, I'AYLOR E; CO. LTD. TO CLOSE AN ESTATE 7 Rooms--A Bargain--$5250 Terlris 97 by 140 DOUBLE CORNER- Harwood floors, built-in feat- ures. electric range, heater and light fittings, blinds, rods linoleum. Living-room 27 by 15 with pretty fireplace, dining-room, sunroom, cabinet kitchen, three good bedrooms, lots of closets, full plumbing, cement base- ment. Sunbeam furnace. This is n new, prettily designed, stucco dwelling, situated on the hill, 10 minutes from ferry; glorious view. 817 W. Vender St, Sey. 3196. Sunday Bible School The West Vancouver Bible School is holding its regular iveekly meeting next Sunday afternoon at 3 p. m. i%fr. Percy King ivill be the speaker taking as hs subject.: "The Resurrection from and of the Dead." All are ivelcome. Some Evidence of I'rovincial I'rosperity British Columbia is rapidly climbing to first place in Canada in the use of motor vehicles; in 1928 there ivere 7.4 motor ve- hicles per hundred of population; 1927 the ratio increased to 13.9 motor vehicles per hundred of population. British Columbia closely follows Ontario ivhich in 192,"l had 9.8 vehicles per hund- red persons, and in 1927 had 13.7 vehicles per hundred persons. FOUNDATION AND CLIENT Work Landscaping, Lawns, F e n c i n g,Drains, Rock Walls, Clearing. Grad- ing, Septic Tanks. T. Barnott, West 672R. HEMSTITCHING--Plain. white.. Sc yard; silk and colored 10c yard.Pearce's Drygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. R. P. Clark E. Co. (Vancouver) Ltct $2250, Terms -- Comfortable Home; Coavenient location; living room and sun room with fireplace. Two Bedrooms; Kitchen and Scullery. Full Plumbing. Attic. Well im- proved garden. This is a snap bar- gain. Consult us for Alberta Oil Stocks and B. C. &fining Stocks. R. P. CLARE 4 CO., LTD. 790 Dunsmuir St. Seymour 7464 Local Representative C. J. ARCHER, West 225. ~Vest Vancouver j ).'.A.. j- 0.0.'. 6 ROOilS BIG SNAP $ 2650 -- FULL PRICE -- West Vancouver, near 24th Street, Dundarave; 6-room bungalow, with large sleeping porch; fully modern; lot 60x 130; garage; beautiful garden, with pond and fruit trees; taxes $ 17 per year; $-minute bus, llc fare Vancou- ver. Owner, L Richardson, Ns4 Lawson Avenue. Dundarave. PIIONE OIVX ER IVEST 669R