001C9844 October 25, 1929. THE PEACE OF THE WEST VAN NESS HA LLOAVE'EN CLASSIFIED ADS Whimsical Review ~ Business Reverse A darky was making an appeal to a gentleman for a donation. The gen t leman, knowing him somewhat, said: "AVhy, Sam, you (ion't mean to tell me you'e tak- en up begging?" Sam--"Yessah, boss. Ah ain' est no other ivay to get along." "~Vhy, you told me once that you ha(i a business." "Yessah, Ahall did have a business--a one-hand laundry- but Ah done lost my business." ! "Ffoiv did you come to lose it, Sam?" I "Well, suh, de ivay it was, she just up and divo'ced me." Starting Young A Jewish gentleman boarded ri street car with his small son and handed the conductor a stngle. "IVhy, how old is that boy". asked the conductor. "I"our." "Well, he certainly looks more than four years old." "H'm! Am I responsible if he ii orries?" "Every dog has his day and every cat has her night." On Hallowe'en night, however, poor pussy has a tough time. Tryst- ing places and times have been carefully arranged, when bang-- bang--bang goes a cracker and so do a number of cats, who, their evening's entertainment shattered beyond repair, go srea 'raking back into the darkness al-to their respective homes. H LEGION O'HIST DRIVE VERY SUCCESSFUL The whist drive and social giv- en at Dundarave Hall on Satur- clay evening by the SVest Van- couver branch of the Canadian Legion was very successful, there being seventeen tables in play. Refreshments were served at the conclusion of the evening. The following is a list of the prize winners: Ladies first--Miss Ethel Mil- lard, pair silver plated bon bon dishes. Ladies second--Mrs. George Childs, silver plated butter dish. Ladies consolation--Mrs. H. lV. Brown, silver plated jam spoon. Gentlemen's first--Colin Tur- ner, silk scarf. Gentlemen's second--G. H. FIawkes, tobacco jar. Gentlemen's consolation--G. Herring, bridge pencil. The special hidden prize don- ated by the Fraser Valley Milk Co. was won by Mrs. H. G. King. Below will be found a list of the players who have obtained 300 points and over in the two whist drives of the series which have so far taken place: Mrs. Geo. Childs........ ~..~... 33 Miss Millard ......................... Mr. H. B. Gray .................... 328 Mr. H. AV. Brown ................ coI Mr. Colin Turner .................. 321 Mrs. T. Barnott................ 319 Mrs. Millard .................... 31G Mr. Leslie Smith ............... 31o Mr. 4V. T. Atwood ................ 31o Mr. R. J. Morris ............ 314 5Ir. R. Fiddes ............. 313 Mr. Gordon Gray ........... 811 Mrs. Scribner ......... 310 Mr. T. Barnott ............ 309 Mrs. lV. Carley.......... 308 Mrs. Romans ..................... 306 Mr. lV. Sewell .................. 80o 3!rs. G. Herring .... 305 sllrs. lV. Climie ..., .. 305 AIr. C, Sharman .. .. 304 ihlrs. H. G. King .. .. 303 Nrs. Urquhart ....,,.... 302 i1Irs. R. J. Norris .... 301 Mr. C. Hedley ....... 301 ibliss Betty Gray ...... 301 ilIr, N. Ross ................. 301 Miss H. Rivers ...................... 300 Other players are close on the 300 mark, and it is expected that competition will be keen in the next two drives. For a Rainy Day qlother (shaking empty sav- ings box): "Tommv, what have you done with the money in )our b;ink?" 'ommy -- "Yesterday was ~ )s rrr i ny day, so I spent it. Little Doreen Taylor and Pal w«re great friends. She is almost the only person besides Pal's owner whom the dog will obey. Oen day some workers were plaguing the little girl until, in exasperation, she ran off. Pres- ently she returned with Pal, and walking up to the group, said: "Noiv say those things again and I'l bite you with my dog.' City Bred (pointing to a hay- stack): "IVhat kind of a house Is that?" Country Bred: "That ain't a licuse; that's hay.'ity Bred: "Say, you can't fool me; hay doesn't grow in a lump like that." His Instructions Fmployer (to new apprentice) "And has the foreman told you what to do?" Apprentice: "Yes, sir. He told me to ivake him up when I saw x ou coming." Naturally Enough "This is a good restaurant, i.-.n't it?" said the customer to the waiter who had brought his or(ler. "Yes," replied the ivaiter. "If you order a fresh egg here you get the freshest egg in the world.If'ou order a good cup of cof- I'ee, you get the best cup of cof- fee in the worl(l, and--" "Yes, I believe it. I ordere(l h small steak." Why Not? IVatehing the bon-fires blazing away F«edirg on dry leaves that scurry, Why not light fun-fires also, we H11y, Burn up the rubbish of worry? Date Cereal IVhen cooking a breakfast cer- eal of any kind add one-half or cne cupful, according to quanti- ty, of stoned and chopped dates just before taking from the fire. Serve with sugar and cream as usual. Just That I'irst Tramp--What happened when you event into the hotel last riight? S('eorrd Same--Oh, I got a big kick out of it. Efficiency Foreman. -- "Now v, hat about carrying some m«e bricks?" ~Iurphy--"I ain't feeling very good this morning, boss; I'm trembling all over." I'oreman--"Well, then, get busy with the sieve." I'AINTINf, DECORATING, FRENCH Polishing. Phone % est 71Y. YOUNG (sIRL WANTED--To assist with house work. West soX2. FOR RENT--3-Roomed l nfurnished Suites, j15 a month to 31st March. Phone 4Vest 339. I.OST--Mz5 Spare Tire romp/ete. Re- ward. Phone Douglas 32. GARDEN BARROw~trong, Light, unpainted: price $4.50. delivered su ject to approval. Phone North 364R. HEMSTITCHING--Plain white $c yard; silk aud colored 10c yard.Pearce's Drygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. TAXI--Peerless Sedan. Day or Night Service. Phone, Webster North 1234 lowe'en night is a very old insti- tution, but apparently, it has not yet been placed in the cats'al- endar. No wonder, at the first alarm caused by the explosion c f a canon cracker in the dist- ance, all the pussies put up their backs as per the above illustra- tion and spit and swear, until a cracker landing in their midst spells the beginning and the end- ing of what promised to be a perfect night. NEIV I OST OFFICE AT V HOLLYBURN NOW OI'EN GARI)P'AS DFAIGNF.D, Laid Out and Maintained, Rock Gardens. Lily and Ornamental Pools, Lawns. Rustic IVork, Fencing, Concrete Paths,Drives. etc., Pruning and Spraying.Landscape and General Gardening. R. J. Kyte. Phone West 411. IIOUSEWORK IVANTED by the dayby capable woman. Phone KVest 344L. Il EWA R D--Lost Brilliant liraceietbetween 17th and Fulton and Ferrylast Sunday afternoon. Phone KVest 650R. FOR PLU~IBli&G ItEPAIRS--Phone )Vest 241R. WEBB'S SHOE REPAIRS WEAR BEST--Dundarave. FOIE SALE--Large liow Boat suitablefor Evinrude. Boy's Bicycle, Gram- aphone. Bed lounge and small art-icles of furniture. Apply devest 625Y lVANTED -- Land Clearing; IVood Sawing with machine. Large orsmall jobs. J. Glover. Phone )Vest 214 R. GARDENS DESIGAED, Laid Out and Maintained. Rock Gardens, Lily an& Ornamental Pools, Lawns, Rustic work, Fencing, Concrete Paths, Drives, etc., Pruning and Spraying, Landscape and General Gardening R. J. Kyte, Phone Avest 172Xl. SCHWEPPES LEMONADE, CAN- ADA DRY GINGERALE and all the Good Brands of Cigars at The Ambleside Tea Rooms. OFF ICE I OR RENT in Royal Bank Block. Two single rooms or onedouble suite. Every convenience andcentral heat. Moderate rent. R. P. CLARK 4 CO. ESTATES LTD. CIIF 'll'IObIE--5 rooms, full plumb- ing, fireplace. hot and cold ~aterbasins rn bedrooms. Good lot. Onupper level bus route. $3300. or oEer LOT ON ESQUI&IALT AVE --iVmtof 11th Street, paved road, water,light, phone. Convenient to schooland ferry, $2%. R- P CLAIII 8 CO ESTATES LTD nsmuir St Seymour 7484 Local Representative C. J. ARCHER. iVest 225 SERVING WAATED Children's work. Mrs- Bloxham, Phone AVest 226. CE~IENT IVORK--Rock Ivalis, Land- caping, Lawns, Rockeries, Fencing, Trellis work, Clearing, Grading. Phone T. Barnott, 23rd and Jeffer- son. Fo«e~l Service in John Lawson Hollyburn Postmaster who is now handling the mail of the district from the larger post office building at the corner of Marine and 17th. The old office will be used for Real Estate busi- ness. Date Pie Line a plate with rich crust and fill with dates, stoned and cut, fine, mixed with the grated rind and juice of a lemon, sugar to taste mixed with a spoonful of flour, four tablespoonfuls of ivater. Add a top crust and bake. NURSING--Experienred. Sick Child-ren's, Toronto, Thessalon, Ont., Ross- land, B.C., Trail. B.C. Hospital. bliss Humphreys, Phone EVest 252R. %HE I'LACE TO EAT--Lunn's Cafe. Public phone KVest 611-0. RANGES FOR SALF A Splendid assortment of used ranges. Com- pletely overhauled. Satisfaction guaranteed. Free de'very. Phone Highland 3650. CEMENT NORE Rock Balls Land caping, Lawns, Rockeries. Fencing,trellis work Clearing; Grading. Phone T. Barnott, 23rd and Jeffer- son. Residence phone Ivest 672R. Similarity A Scotsman had been told by l is doctor that he had a fioatrirg kidney. He was much disturbed by the diagnosis and went to the minister of his church with a request for the prayers of the congregation. "I don't know," said the min- ister dubiously. "I'm afraid that at the mention of a floating kid- ney the congregation would laugh." "I dina see why they maun," replied the sufferer. "It was no but last Sabbath ye prayed for loose livers." .(ea ..'s:a:e See GEO. HAY Real Estate and Insurance st otary Public I'IIONE lVEST 21 1405 Marine Drive Office Phone West 21 or Sey. 1260 Residence Phone W. 3 R or W. 204X THE NET REGDIE (Or school thoughts for the holidays) Tolnmy, ivhen you return to school, Be calm, 'co-ordinate'nd sage: Though young in years, don' play the fool; You are quite old in "mental age": 'Tis this that noiv we reckon by- Not merely Anno Domini. No more at your instructor scoff'. For such behaviour simply spells A "super-excitation'of The "nervous vegetative cells"-- An "inhibition" of the sort which makes a boy of good re- port. Offence no more requires the cane; »o m«e must merit looi, for meed; "Balance'is noiv the thing to gain: K little t k» all we need And methods which--what'er befall- Are "Psycho-analyt ical." If o'r the bench we bi(t you bend As in past years you often bent, We seek a "means" and not an "end" (No Tommy! 'iis not that I meant! ) Body and soul ive count as one, And indivisible, my son. Lastly: there is but one disease; ~lumps, measles, colic, all com- bined, Are mental--eall 'em iihat sou please; One "vagotonia" of the mind. Mark this, dear boy, and you'e a chance, Of ~Ian's Divine Inheritance. C. H. St. L. RUSSELL Published in the Cornhill Maga- z&ne, May, 1929. TFIE AUDITORIU&I OF INGI.EIVOOD SCFIOOL. LVhere "Keep-fit" or physical tcairiing classes for men and ivomen are held each Thursday night. Women's class from 7.30 to 8.30; men's class 8.30 to 9,30. Fees $ 1.00 per month.