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001C982D October 11, 1929. TH E ilIILLEih IUII AVhen the lion eats grass like the ox, A nd the fish worms swallows the whale, When bed bugs ] nit woolen socks And the hare is out run by'he snail. When serpents walk upright like men And beetle bugs travel like frogs, And grasshoppers feed on the hen And feathers grow fast on the hogs. IVhen Tom cats swim in the air And elephants roost on the trees. And insects in summer are rare And snoose won't make people sneeze. ~&hen fish creep over dry land And camels on bicycles ride, When foxes lay eggs in the sand, And women in dress have no pride. IVhen Dutchmen no longer drink beer And girls take to preaching in time When the Billie goats bunts from the rear And treason is no longer a crime. When the human bird brays like an ass And limburger smells like cologne, When plow shares are made out of glass And the heart of man is turned to stone. IVhen ideas grow in Jack-asses heads And wool on a hydraulic ram, Th«n principles will be dear And this world will be but a dream. f]sgpipe hfusic was broadcast re- cently. Lots of people took their sets to pieces in an endeavor to lo- cate the trouble. The Art of Sa]esmanship.--"You'e sure this new material will not fade in the sun?" "SVe)l, it's been in our window f'r two years." ducat iona]~"Why must we al- ways be careful to keep our home clean and neat'" "Because company niay walk in any minute." ffe I&on't Even I.istcn.--"That man over there works twice as hard as you do!" "Yes, I'e told him about it--but he don't carel" Hard-f.uck Harry Says: "I'e got a check for $-)0, and the only man in town that can identify me is the one I owe $50." Cicero the Cynic Says'Punctuality is the art of guessing how late the g.rl will be. Many a man sends his wife away for a long rest because he needs it. What's ~Vrong Here? --"She is a very dogmatic person T" "That' strange--she told me she hated dogs." A real man is glad to live and not afraid to die. A real man never hunts danger and never dodges when he ought to meet it. A real man's love is like a dog', and that's saying a good deal. A real man is--well, he is a real man, the finest, best, noblest, most refreshing to find on all the green earth, unless it be a real woman.-- The Merchants'ournal and Gom- merce. THE WEST VAN NEWS Trhnl.OID SER+~IO. iS At present time there's many'ho have fallen on grey days; There's sickness, sorro~ and distress -- t.rue kindness always pays- Do we endeavor to uphold and com- fort those who mourn, And pour the oil of g]adness into liv s with sadness tom T Do we seek to help the helpless; dv we make our lives sublime, By cheering ~ords and helpful deeds disperse the gathering gloom7 Do we seek to point the erring one to Him who rules above'c we live our lives exemplifying Friendship, Truth and Love T Lf so, we are but following commands of the Divine, And will surely leave our footprints upon the sands of Time. A REAL SIAN A real man never talks about what the world owes him, the happiness he deserves, and the chances he ought to have, and all that. All he claims is the right to live and be a man, A real man does not want pulls, tips and favors. He wants work and honest wages. A real man is loyal to his friends, and guards their reputation as his own. A real man does not want anything for nothing, so the get-rich-quick peo- ple; cannot use him. A real man always has excuses for others, never for himself. He is pati- ent and charitable to them; to him- self he is strict. ltEWARD--l~t between 30th and Radcliffe Avenue. Diamond ring. Please phone Dr. Vass, West 383. PLAl Elt I'IAN(L-Almost new. Will sell at big discount on easy terms. Apply Geo. Hay, West 2]. f'R RENT--Five ltooms. ~fodern. Warm. Near water. Semi-furnished Reasonable to good tenant Bay- view 5553Y. after 6 n. m. FO]t RE.iT--Furnished three room Bungalow. Good location, tewenty- fourth and Ottawa. Low rent for w'inter. Apply "Bungalow," AVest Van Yews. WANTED--Estimate on building rrar- age (materials included) ]6x]2 feet. State specifications to West Van News. F OR RE'4T F ive room furnished house three blocks from ferry, $ ]5 month. Apply West 44]R. FOlt SALE--~fy Six ltoomed ~fodern Bungalow, cor. of 2]st and Gordon, particulars. Anply F.. J. Crickrnay. )VANTED TO RENT--Six roomed house, furnace, near Pauline John- son School. Phone Fairmont &J3R. LADY ~ould Care for children. Phone hfrs. Kelly. West 45tiL. HOI:SEIVOftK 4 A.iTED by the day by capable woman. Phone West 231R. ItA. iGES FOR SALE-- A Splendid assortment of used ranges. Com- p]etc]y overhauled. Satisfaction guaranteed. Free de.'ivery. Phone Highland 3650. $20.00--FURNISHED ffOUSE F or Rent. Full plumbing. Fireplace. Good f]oors. Garage. Phone KVest 620L I'A INTI I~C, 9 ECOftATINC, F ft ENCEI Polishing. Phone West 7]Y. SEWINC WANTED Ladiea Children's work. hirs. Bloxham, Phone West 226. CEUENT IVORK--Rock Walls, Land- caping, Lawns, Rockeries, Fencing, 'Pre]]is work. Clearing; Grading. Phone T. Barnott. 23rd and Jeffer- son. Etesidence phone IVest 672R. FOlt I'LUBIBING ltEI'AIRS--Phoae West 241R. WEBB'S SHOE REPAIRS W EA R BEST--Dundaravo. IL f'. CLARK 4 CO. ESTATES LTD. OF FICE FOR RENT in Royal Bank Block. Two single rooms or one double suite. Every convenience and central heat. Moderate rent. CEIEAI'IO~] E--5 rooms, full pluinb- ing, fireplace. hot and cold water basins in bedrooms. Good lot. On upper level bus route. $3300, or ofTer C.E4]E.IT NORE --Rock Mails Land caping, Lawns, Rockeries, Fencing, Trellis work. Clearing, Grading. Phone T. Barnott, 23rd and Jeffer- son. 'I HE I'LACE TO K%T--Luna's Cafe. Public phone West 611-0. 4 AltDE4 E3 KltRON ~Strong Light unpainted; price $4.50, delivered subject to approval Phone North 364 R. HEMSTITCIIING--Plain whito 5c yard; silk and colored 10c yard. Poarco's Drygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phono West 144. TAXI--I'eerless Sedan. Day or Night Service. Phone, Webster North ]234 CLASSIFIED ADS ~' I.OT ON ESQUISIALT AVE.--IVest of 11th Street, paved road, water, light, phone. Convenient to school and ferry, $225. lt. P. CI.AltK & CO. ESTATES LTD. 790 Dunsmuir St Seymour 7484 Local Representative C. J. ARCHER, 1Vest 225. Act g!uickly ] ft005] S--Fully ~]odern, including large living room with fireplace; 2 nice bedrooms; good bright kitchen; full basement; with 3 rooms ne~ly decorated. Garage. On 66x130 ft. lot. Close in. lVe have inspected the Home and consider it a Real Good Buy for someone. $3,000, on Terms VHOiNE lVEST 21 GEO. HAY Real Estate and Insurance Notary Pub]rc 1405 Marine Drive Office Phone %Vest 21 or Sey. 1260 Residence Phone W. 32R or %. 204X GARDENS DESIGNED, Laid Out and Maintained. Rock Gardens. Lily and Ornamental Pools, Lawns, Rustic work, Fencing, Concrete Paths, Drives, etc., Pruning and Spraying, Landscape and General Gardening R. J. Kyte, Phone West 172X1. FOR RENT--Four-roomed cosy cottage at )Vest Bay, with el- ectric light, water, sink, partly furnished. $6.00 month. Ap- ply P.O. Box 666, Vancouver, lVANTED -- Land Clearing; IVood Sawing with machine. Large or small jobs. J. Glover. Phone West 214 R. SCH4VEPPES LE31ONADE, CA'i- ADA DRY GINGERALE and all the Good Brands of Cigars at The Ambleside Tea Rooms. TO RENT N]CE 4-ROO4] BUNGALOW with full plumbing, fireplace, garage, etc. with private right of way to beach. Until March 31st. only $25 month. Evenings West 53RL GILLESI'IE, HART k. TODD, LTD. 4]8 lV. Pender Street Sey. 9380 va ves i e an scarred, bearings grown old before their time, many a fine car is ruined and scrappe through using impure gasoline otor Halitosis (vile smell- ng exhaust fumes) gave fair warning, but was ne- glected. Avoid motor troubles by using-- ,I09 t+811 SOVe 0118 Ii~ollar If you pay your telephone bill by the 18th of the month Guarmrfeedfrnfiom coeosive mlphurmmpmsnds '$&erer'ogas like HO+SR'.i ~ S B. C. TELEPHONE COMPANV