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001C97F5 August 23, 1929. Whimsical Review IVrong iWationality Irate Customer -- Say, you cheated me! Grocer--What do you mean ~ Customer--Why, darn it, man, ordered Irish potatoes, but your driver said the potatoes he brought to the house were grown in Wfichigan. "How did you screw up cour- age to propose to the rich Mrs. MacTavish, Sandy?" "Losh, mon, 'twas afu'! I'd sivorn I'd do it come iiilonday nicht, so I took her for a ride in a taxicab, and wi'ne e'e on the meter tickin'wa', I had her won at the end o'alf a crown." The I'ostage Stamp I am licked before I start out, yet I always deliver the goods. I um stamped on at the begin- ning, but never at the finish. I always get in a corner and I start in by getting in a box, but I find my way out. I sometimes look like two cents, but that doesn't lessen my importance. I always have u head on me, but I keep it to myself.I'e to be stuck on something before I can do any work. I'm just a little piece of paper with the seal, but the business world without me isn't worth a tinker's dam. "Dad, did you go to Sunday School when you were a boy?" "Yes, my son, I always went to Sunday School." "Well, dad, I think I'l quit go- ing; it isn't doing me any good either." The Evidence "I don't know whether to be- come a painter or a poet!" "Become a painter f" "Have you seen my pictures?" "No, but I have read your poems!" "Did you, utterly without warning, assault this poor speci- alty salesman land. throw him ir.to the street?" demanded the crown prosecutor. "Yes," replied the merchant, "three times." The turtle was somewhat un- steady As he found himself caught in an eddy; He mused, "Though I hurtle, I can hardly turn turtle, Because I'm a turtle already." Five-year-old Arthur awoke at three o'lock in the morning. "Tell me a story, mother," he begged. "Quiet, dear," she replied. "Daddy will be in soon and tell us both one." Judge: "I cannot conceive a meaner, more coivardly act than yours. You have left your wife. Do you realize that you are a deserter?" Sam: "Judge, if you knew dut lady as well as I does, you would- not call me no desserter. Judge, Ise u refugee." "Now, tell me, what is the op- posite of misery?" "Happiness!" said the class in unison. "And sadness?" she asked. "Gladness." "And the opposite of woe?" "Giddup!" shouted the enthus- iustic class. Baldheuded man (who hus asked for u hair-cut): "Do you want me take my collar off?" Barber: "No sir, it isn't neces- sary, and you can keep your hut on too if you want to." Tea WEST VAN NEWS CLASSIFIED ADSST. Sea,PHEN'S Birthday Party SF& ON fr H AN D C OOK STOV E4& anted. Will pay cash. PhoneWe-t rarX. FOR RF iT4 Roomed lfodern Bung- alow, 14th and Duchess, $20 month. Apply. 72B Seymour St. or Phone Sevmi'ur 2:iB5 CEIIE.iT WORK--Rock Balls, Land caping. Lawns, Rockeries, Fencing, Trellis work, Clearing, Grading. Phone T. Barnott, 'Nrd and Jeffer- son. FOR RENT--6 Roomed ~fodern Home lovely view, steam heat and full basement. Apply, 72B Seymour St. or phone Seymour 230$ . FOR SALE--Three quarter oak Din- ing Room set: Rose color Wilton carpet &x12. Ice Box; Leather Couch. Can be seen evenings or mornings or Saturday afternoon or Sunday all day. 3frs. Hazan, 25th and Bellevue. West 2'L. High School Text Books for Term 1929-30 Schools Open Tuesday, September 3rd. adapted by Clark (hfacmillan) Price 70c. 'Supplied free to pupils of High and Superior Schools by Free Text Book Branch, Educa- tional Department. Student may choose either Latin or Physics. GRADE XI (Junior ilfatriculation) English Composition- (a) High School Composition, Western Canada Series (Copp Clark) Price 60c. (b) Prose, Stevenson, Travels With a Donkey and an Inland Voyage (~lacmillan, Everyman cr Nelson) Price 50c. George Eliot, Silas Afarne"., (Copp Clark, i~lacmillan, Dent or Nelson) (c) Poetry, Shakespeare, As You Like It (4facmillan, Copp Clark or Gage). English Literature-- Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice (Copp Clark), Price 30c. AfacDonald and Walker, A Sel- ection of English Poetry, Book II, (Dent), Price 55c. History--)Vest's world Pro- gress, Canadian Edition, 1924, (Allyn & Bacon). Algebra--Hall & Knight's El- ementary Algebra (Macmillan). Geometry--Godfrey & Sid- dons Elementary Geometry Physics--Aferchant & Chant's High School Physics, Revised Edition (Copp Clark) and Lab- oratory )Ianual, Revised Edition Chemistry--Black and Conant Practical Chemistry, adapted by Clark (Macmillan). Price $1.40 and Black's Laboratory Experi- ments in Chemistry, adapted by Ciark (Macmillan) Price 70c. French--Siepmann's Primary French Course, Part II. (ilfacmil- l~n). Latin--Henderson Er, Little. Alatriculation Caesar, Books IV E. V (Copp Clark). Robertson, Bennet, Glassey, Selections from Virgil, (Gage & Co.). Price 75c. NORAIAL ENTRANCE Candidates for Norman Ent- rance are required to take Geography -- Cornish, The Canadian School Geography with FUftNISHED or Unfurnished ~fodern Suites for rent Close to Ferry on hfarjpe. Apply l640 Marine. I.OST--Black and ~~ hite Collie Pup. Four months old, name "Bonzo." Phone West BsiiY. TO RENT -- Two Furnished Suites from 1st September. Phone West 339. PAINTER A.'iD DECORATOR--C. L. Konings, 2456 Bellevue. Res. Phoae West 211X. GRADE IX. English Literature and Composi- tion-- 'IfacDonald & Walker, Nar- rative English Poems (Dent) „ A. M. Stephen, The Golden Treasury of Canadian Verse, (Dent). Composition Through I(eading, Introductory Course, (Dent), Stevenson, Kidnapped, ~hfcClelland 8r, Stewart, or Nel- son & Sons or ~facmillan). History- hfcArthur, History of Canada for Iiigh Schools, (Gage & Co.), 9'«st,'s World Progress, Can. Ed- ition, 1924, (Allyn & Bacon). Arithmetic--Dominion High School Arithmetic (Gage) 80c. Algebra--Hall's A School Al- gebra (i~facmillan). Geometry -- Godfrey Er, Sid- don's Elementary Geometry (~facmillan), price $ 1.50. Latin-- 'Hamilton & Carlisle', Latin for Young Canadians, Jun- ior Lessons, (Gage). French -- Oral Lessons in I'rench, Part 1, Renouf Publish. Co. General Scieace -- IVood and Carpenter; Our Environment, How EVe Use and Control It, (Allyn E: Bacon). 'Books marked thus are sup- plied by Free Text Book Depart- ment. WANTED--Books in good condition. Hollyburn Gift Shop, B. C. FOR PLURI BING REPAIRS--Phoae West 241R. RANG ES FOR SA LE--A Splendid assortment of used ranges. Com- pletely overhauled. Satisfaction guaranteed. Free delivery. Phone Highland 3B50. FOR SA I.E--Three registered Tog- genberg goats. All fresh. Also 25 F. Caudwell. 11th and Queens H ELI'A.i TED--Reliable girl to learn business. Apply Hollyburn Gift Shop B. C. SEWING WANTED -- Ladies'nd Children's work. Mrs. Blozham, Phone West 226. GARDE~ BARIIO»S--St.o g, Light. unpainted; price $4.50, delivered subject to approval. Phone North 3B4R. F'R ftE.iT--Waterfront, Three room furnished cottage; sink; ~ater, light. near bus. Vacant September 1st. Apply afternoons, "Seabank," corner 29th and Waterfront. WEBB'S SHOE REPAIRS W'EAR BEST-- Dundarave.FOR RENT -- Five room bungalo~. South west corner 16th and Fulton. Fully modern Open fireplace $20. Apply William hfiller on the prem- ises. FOR BE& T--$ 15. Cosy three room cottage. Fireplace. Large garden. Phone West BB9X. SCHOOI SUPI'LI M-- Ifollyburn Gift Shop B. C. ~i@st Yancouver FOR RE.iT--3 Room Cot tage. Sun room; open fireplace; large base- ment. Good garden. Apply Draper's Bakery. Phone 9 est 366. ~~ A.iTED-- By Reliable Tenant, Fur- nished or partly furnished modern home. Phone West 1741 SATURDAY, AUGUST 31st at 2 p. m. At the residence of AIR. F. if. JOHNSTON 21st and Argyle Including Piano in walnut case [almost new), McClary Range in white enamel, Cabinet Gram- aphone and Records. Full Particulars in Next Friday's West Van News. or I'hone HEWETT, Auctioneer North 89. WANTED -- I.and Clearing; Sawing with machine. Large or small jobs. J. Glover. Phone West 214 R. HEBI STITCII IN G--Plain. «hi to $c yard; silk and colored 10c yard. Pearce's Drygoods, 14th Street aad Marine. Phono West 144. GRADE X. (a) 5lacdonald; English Prose Selections, Part II, (i~facmillan) Price 60c. (b) Macdonald E: EValker; A Selection of English Poetry Book 1, (Dent), Price 55c. (c) Shakespeare, Julius Caes- ar (Copp Clark), (Longmans) or (Gage). High School English Compos- ition, western Canada Series (Copp Clark) 60c. Arithmetic -- Dominion High School Arithmetic (Gage) 80c. Algebra--Hall & Knight's Ele- mentary Algebra (Macmillan), $ 1.50. Geometry -- Godfrey E: Sid- don's Elementary Geometry (i~facmillan) $ 1.50. French -- Siepman's Primary French Course, Part 1. (ihfacmil- lan). FOR SALE--Tea Wagon, Writing Desk, C.dar Chest, Kitchen Cabinet, Piano Stool, Toy Boats. Oliver, Cab- inet Maker, 15th and Waterfront. B. C. TO GIVE HIGH SCHOOL illAIL COURSE CHESTEItFIELD SUITES made to order. Repair work done. W. Dezwart, residence phone west 2143 KILN DRIED I'LANER F iDS- Double load delivered, $3.50. Hobb Transfer, W~at 17. TAXI--I'eerless Sedan. Day or Night Service. Phone, Webster North 1234 British Columbia's education- al advantages are being extended to the boy and girl of high School age and qualifications on the frontiers of provincial settle- ment. EVhen the scholastic term opens next month throughout British Columbia there will be inaugurated, for the first time in Canada, a complete high school course by correspondence. An- nouncement to this effeet is made by Hon. Joshua HinchcliÃe minister of education. In all respects the courses are similar to those of the regular high schools, and correspondence pupils have similar options and objectives. They may choose to study in preparation for junior matriculation; entrance to Nor- mal School; commercial course, or for personal development and general culture. The options ex- tend to subjects as in regularly established schools. The department supplies the usual free textbooks and provid- es, at the lowest possible cost, the books that students in city high schools must buy. No fees are charged and the only addi- tional cost to correspondence pupils is for the postage on le~ sons sent in for correction. For a number of years the de- partment of education has con- ducted con espondence courses in elementary school work. So suc- cessful have been the results that it divas decided to extend the courses to cover high school sub- jects. "We felt," said ~ir. Hinchliffe in announcing the net courses. "that similar opportunities snould be made available to the sons und daughters of the men und ivomen ivho are pioneering on the land, in small mining and lumbering camps in remote ham- lets along the coast, us ure ac- corded to boys and girls in the cities." SCHWEPPES LEMONADE ADA DRY GINGERALE and al] the Good Brands of Cigars at The Ambleside Tea Rooms. FOR lt ENT--Four Room Furnished Cottage. Apply, Oliver, 15th and Waterfront. GARDE iS DESIGNED, Laid Out aad Maintained. Rock Gardens, Lily and Ornamental Pools, Lawns, Rustic work, Fencing, Concrete Paths, Drives, etc., Pruning and Spraying, Landscape and General Gardening R. J. Kyte, Phone West 17Zil. Ohfi ~IIII R- P. CLAIIK 4 CO. ESTATES LTD. FURNISHED HOME «ith one acre full~ clea~ Situated on hill two blocks from bus ing air and splendid scenic panor- ama. Everything included at $2500 on terms. Owner transferred to an- other district. fh I'. CLARK X. CO. ESTATES I.TD. 7 0 Dunamuir St Seymour 74S4 Local Representative C. J. ARCHER. West 2~~. HIGH SCHOOL History--i~lcArthur, History of Cariada for High School, (Gage & Co.), 90c; IVest's world Progress, Canadian Edition, (Al- lyn E; Bacori) $ 1.75. Latin-- 'Hamilton Er, Carlisle. Latin for Young Canadians, Jr. Lessons (Gage E: Co.) Latin--Hamilton & Curlisle, Latin for Young Canadians, Sr. Lessons (Gage & Co.) for latter part of second term. Physics--i~ferchunt & Charit, High School Physics, Revised «d it ion, (Copp Clark) $ 1.25; Merchant & Chant, Physics Laboratory Bluriuul, Revised Edition (Copp Clark) 50c. Chemistry--Black & Conant, Practical Chemistry (4ilacmillan) British Columbia Supplement (Dent) and Cornish, Canadian School Atlas (Dent). EN ROLAI ENT Students are to provide own pencils, pens. scribblers, and rrotebooks. Teachers may require that students provide themselves with special hard-covered note books. l'rincipul I'atterson will be in his office at the Inglewood School on Thursday, August o9. und Friday, August 30, from 3 to 5 p. m. when he will be pleusecl to meet prtrcnts, or students in- tending to enroll ut the IVest l'uncouver High School for the present tenn. Olussw begin Tuesday, Sep- tember 3, ut 9 u. m. MODERN HOMES FOR RENT We hove a feiv Fully ~fodern IIomes for Rent. DON'T DELAY Phone this office for particulars. GEO. HAY Real Estate and Insurance Notary Public 1405 Marine Drive Office Phone West 21 or Sey. 12B0 Residence Phono W. 3 R or W. 204X At the horne of MRS MILLARD, 2433 ~fathers Avenue, THURSDAY, AUGUST 2dth, 2.30 to 5 p. m. Bring A CENT for every birthday. Games and Contests