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001C9747 ofay 10, 19 9. Whimsical Review Obliging He: "You are the most beauti- ful girl I'e ever seen! I long to hold you in my arms, to caress you, to kiss your eyes, your hair, ynur lips--to whisper in your ear, 'I love you!' She: "EVel). I guess it can be arranged." i~fr. hfalaprop A woman member of the con- gregation was taken ill during a service in a country church. The c ld verger motioned her to a seat in a side chapel. "Don't you worry, mum," he advise.l her kindly. "Jest you sit 'ere till you feel more decom- posed!" A I'rime Ifover i~Irs. Brown: "I'e asked you here on a curious errand. painted the bath myself yester- day. and now my husband is stuck fast in it!" Plumber: "That will be all right, mum. I'e got my blow- lamp with me." "The Peace That Passeth--" The following preciously pre- served extract from a love letter written home to his wife from a soldier on active service will evoke tender memories in thous- ands of former service men: "Don't send me no more nag- ging letters, Lettie. They don' do no good. I'm three thousand niiles from home, and I want to enjoy this war in peace." Purely Spectacular The last time the England and Scotland Rugby match was play- ed at 41urrayfield, the boys of an Edinburgh preparatory school were naturally very much excit- ed on hearing from their head- niaster that any who received permission from home would be taken to the match. Accordingly (says a "~Ian- cliester Guardian gossip") they wrote home and the grandmother oi one of them sent a letter to the headmaster to the following effect: "George informs me that he wishes to go to the England and Scotland football match on Saturday. I have no objection to his going if it is clearly und- erstood that he is on no account to play." Q.--What should the lady of the house do if the maid reports that the weel&-end guest has left his shoes outside the bedroom door? A.--See if they will fit her husband. Q.--aha~ course should the hostess follow when she discov- ers a guest is peeved because the peas won't stay on his knife? A.--Advise him to mix them with mashed potatoes. Q.--If conversation lags at the table, what should the hostess do? A.--Ask the guests if any of t)iem ever had an operation. Flapper: "I'd like to try on that rose dress in the window." Salesman: "Sorry, 5Tiss. That is a lampshade. THE BLUEST VAN NEWS Lady (to her partner) --"Have you any prominent men in your family, i~Ir. Dumleigh?'r. D.--"Yes, one of my forefathers was an admiral. At one time he led the world's com- bined fleet." Lady--"How interesting. SVhat was his name?" ~Ir. D.--"Noah." Bobby: "Dad, a boy at school told me that I look just like you!" The Dad--"That so? -- and what did you say?" Bobby: "Nothin'. He was big- ger'n me." Jim: "Ever see one of those machines that can tell when a parson is lying?" Jack: Seen one? Land! I married one." IVhat happens to the pieces when day breaks. Who picks up night when it falls, softly or otherwise. EVhat is it that clouds steal across the sky. which one is which when a man is beside himself. whether a thought makes any impression when it strikes. whether the plot always thick- ens when the hero puts his foot in it. How a man can pass the night, when lying asleep in bed. How the villian can hope to escape when the author is a- gainst him. How the author knows that bfr. and Mr@. Hero live happily ever after.--AVayne G. Haisley in Judge. BOYS BICYCLE FOR SAI.E--22 inch frame. Excellent condition. Phone West 235R after 6 p. m. ELECTRIC HOL'SE RANGE and Mot- or Wiring. Free estimates. Niorth Shnre Electric, Phone North 79. TAXI--l'eerie a Sedan. Day or Night Service. Phnne. IVebster North 1234 C H I L D RE. i COACH ED in Public School subjects. Terms moderate. For particulars phone Avest 333. EDE'ii ELECTRIC WASIIER for sale, in good condition, $50. Phone West 637R. MOVIN --Furniture and Baggage. Daily trips to city. Hobb Transfer, West 17. l'RACTICAL NURSE offers services or would care for children in even- ing. Phone 4Vest 290L. RANG S FOR SA LE--A Splendidassortment of used ranges. Com- pletely overhauled. Satisfaction guaranteed. Free dei ivery. Phone Highland 3650. FIRST CLASS I.adies'ailoring and Alterations. All work guaranteed. M rs. H. E. hl ill s 2228 Bellevue IVest 128Y. ~IODERN HOUSE FOR RENT Close to ferry. Splendid condition. Apply, AV. &Iiller. 16th and Fulton. K I LNi DRI ED I'LAN ER ENDS Double load delivered, $3.50. HobbTransfer, West 17. F OR SALE A &lodern Hudson BayRefrigerator in Arst class condition $ 12.00. Apply West 291L CE)IENT WORK, Landscaping, Lawns Rockeries, Fencing, Trellis work,Clearing. Grading. Phone T. Baraott 23rd and Jefferson. FOR I'AINTING, DECORATINiG, STAINING. POLISHING, phone W. Carley, West 71Y. FOR REiT OR SALE House Waterfront at Altamont. ApplyLeyland, AVest 63R1. GEO. HAY Real Estate and Insurance SCHWEPPES LEMONADE, CAN-ADA DRY GINGERALE and all the Good Brands of Cigars at The Ambleside Tea Rooms.Notary I'ublic Fire Insurance -- Money to Loan 1405 Marine Drive Office Phone West 21 or Sey. 1260 Residence Phone W. 32R or W. 204X SEWING WANTED -- Ladies'nd Children's work. Mrs. Bloxham, Phone West 22$. WEBB'S SHOE REPAIRS WEAR BEST--Dundarave. R. P. Clark 8c Co. (Vancouver) Ltd. Send in your listings of Furnished Houses and Camps. SEAFRONT HOhl ESITE; MagniGeent situation. hlust be seen to be ap- preciated. Extra large area 75x450 feet, $2000, terms. IVe will quote you lowest Insurance Rates on Furniture and Household Ef- fects. NEWMAN 8 ROBBINS Contractors, Builders, Painting Pap- erhanging, Alterations and Repairs. Promptly Executed. House Phoae West 74R1. H EM STITCHING --Plain„whi te„5c yard; silk and colored 10c yard. Pearce's Drygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. CLASSIFIED ADS 1 ~ ~ ~ .. c,iZ......C ~i.c.l-i2'.:..i2',S Announce ::OmmerxCemeri~; a. Summer Sc.execu. e R. P. CLARK Ec CO., LTD. 790 Dunsmuir St. Seymour 7484 Local Representative C. J. ARCHER, West 225. IVhen IVashing Stockings Yever rub silk stockings with soap, but shake them about in a w|arm soapy lather. A few drops of turpentine added to the last rinsing water will prevent black silk stockings from losing any of their color. To dry silk stock- ings, lay them flat on a fine towel, roll the towel tightly, and allow the stockings to remain until dry. The correct way to put on stockings is to turn the legs inside Out by rolling them outwards towards the heels. IVhen taking them off, roll with both hands instead of pulling them by the heels. GARDEN BARROWS--Strong, Light, Painted, price $4.50. delivered sub- ject to approval. Phone North 364R GARDENS DESIGNED, Laid Out and Maintained. Rock Gardens, Lily and Ornamental Pools, Lawns, Rustic work, Fencing, Concrete Paths, Drives, etc., Pruning and Spraying, Landscape and General Gardening R. J. Kyte, Phone West 172X1. II'OU INTEND TO BUILD or Want your house altered or repaired. phone Colin Turner, builder, 13th and Haywood, West 679R. hIODERN ELECTRIC WIRING of all kinds. See us for Radio Sets, Sup- plies, Aerials. Largest on North Shore. North Shore Electric and Radio Stores--1540 Lonsdale Ave. North Vancouver. Phone North 79. I'LYhIOUTH BARRED ROCK EGGS for setting. Phone West 649R or call 1428 Esquimalt. FOR PLUMBING REPAIRS--Phone West 241R. Effective Wednesd.ay .&l:ay ].5 ,~ou i~an Save One Iiiollar CO%! I'LI'.Tl'. TI ~I I:,TA 0 LES Sl IOIV I NG AUG- ib!ENTEL) ANI) I NCREASED SERVICES ON 'iLL PACIFIC STAGE LINES I'OR THE ASk- I NG I'ROM COURTEOUS DRIVERS AND AT AI,L DI.POTS If you pay your telephone bill by the 18th of the month FOR INFORMATION PLEASE PHONE SEYMOUR 4000 H. C. 'OR $ RANSPORTAT/ON'i"YhlOUR ANl& DUNShlUIR STRPil" FS NORTH VANCOUVER DEPOT AT FOOT OF LONSDALE AVENUE B. C. TELEPHONE COMPANY