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April 22, 1927. THE WEST VAN NEWS (Me? Chatter" Little Georgie was invited out to dinner with his father and mother, and before starting the latter impressed upon the darl­ ing boy the necessity for his ^speaking in complimentary terms of the food. After he had tasted the soup, he said to the hostess, "This is pretty good soup--what there i3 of it." A glare from his mother pulled him up. So he corrected himself saying, "And there's plenty of it--such as it is." Elinor Glyn advises the Amer- can girl to "cling to her youth." The only objection to this is that it leaves talcum on his lapels. Golfer: "I'm hitting the ball on the top every time; what would you suggest?" Caddie:"Turn it upside down." "Am I to understand," asked the prosecuting counsel, "that you deny having exceeded the speed limit imposed in this town ?" "Certainly," replied the motor­ ist, with indignation. "What is it?" Caesar (addressing local Rot­ ary club on return from tour of conquest): Boys, I've travelled all over the world, but, believe me, there's no place like Rome. "I hear you have given up t abel.""Yes, I thought she was per­fect, but last night I found some­ thing about her I didn't like." "What was that?" "Harold's arm." It is reported that the ancient Greeks frequently committed suicide. What a hardy race they were! Once is all we moderns can do it. Newlywed: Jack and I agree on one point; he doesn't think anything too good for me, and neither do I. The hen that sits on a china egg is better off. A seven days' wonder, and on the eighth she made up her mind. Hot: My woman is a regular siren. Dog: She must be handy to have around when it's foggy. "Young man, do you think you could learn to love my daugh­ ter?" "Well, sir, I even learned cal­ culus." Some Day It May Be a Whale Tommy: Do fish grow very fast? Billy: I should think so! Father caught one once and it grows six inches bigger each time he mentions it. The piano is called a string instrument because you play it l^vith chords. Customer: What are you pric­ es on atomizers? Clerk: Two-fifty and up. Customer: I didn't want to pay more than fifty cents. Clerk: Atta miser! Suppose He Did Robert was sitting listlessly in class, chewing gum. He was re­ clining on the back of his spine, and as he sat in a front seat, his feet reached out almost to the teacher's desk. Suddenly the teacher exclaimed angrily: "Rob­ ert ! Take that gum out of your mouth and put your feet in!" T H E WINNING ESSAYS WHY I PREFER WEST VANCOUVER AS A PLACE OF RESIDENCE By "KISMET" (L. McLeod Gould, 575 Hornby St., Vancouver) Awarded Second Prize Lying to the North of English Bay, west of the Lions' Gate West Vancouver has an admirable location facing Point Grey, whilst immediately behind rise the slopes of Hollyburn Ridge. All the charms of sea, forest and mountain are close at hand and yet, within the hour, a West Vancouver resident can be standing on the steps of Vancouver City Post Office. West Vancouver is a natural resort for fishing, both deep sea and fresh water, hunting, camping and hiking. In the summer there is good bathing and boating at many a beach along the sea shore and in the winter the easily accessible slopes of the back-lying hills give opportunity for ski-ing and toboganning. To all this charm of country life, enhanced by a southern exposure,'are added the conveniences which close proximity to a thriving metropolis naturally brings. Marine Drive runs all the way along the shore to Horseshoe Bay; there is constant and easy communication with Vancouver City both by stage and ferry, so that the resident in West Vancouver is in as close touch with city life as is his fellow in any of the suburbs on the South side. And yet in his home he is indefin­ ably further removed from the stress of a business centre. To my mind there is a psychological touch about that strip of water. The southern suburbanite when he goes home, either by street car or automobile, never reaches any point where he can heave a sigh of relief, as who would say "Now I am back in the country." On the other hand, when the ferry pulls out, the West Vancouverite has an instinctive feeling that he is now free from the cares of business life. Blowing around him is the fresh sea air and waiting for him on the other shore is something entirely distinctive from what he has been experi­ encing all day. It is no mere theoretical line of demarcation, as when the street car conductor calls out "City Limits." So far I have merely touched on reasons which are more or less sentimental for choosing West Vancouver as a place of resi­ dence. For those who, when they buy a property, always have in mind a possible future purchaser, I would point out that real estate in West Vancouver will never be cheaper than it is today; that some day there will be direct connection between West Vancouver and Vancouver City, whether by bridge or tunnel, and that then property in the former will soar in value. West Vancouver is destined, sooner or later, to be the Oakland of Vancouver City, and even if a man does not desire to sell, he is rather less, or more, than human if he does not appreciate living on his own property in a community where values are constantly increasing. How much more difficult it would be to write an article on "Why I do NOT prefer West Vancouver as a place of residence." Miss I. Macdonald, Dundarave--'T M" Awarded Third Prize The fact that I merely stumbled upon West Vancouver during a summer afternoon's outing and that, after six years, I am still here is proof that for me, as for hundreds of others it held some hidden enchantment. This is the more strikingly true since, in my case, I had hitherto led a Gypsy life, always in my heart seeking the ideal spot to cast anchor in. And here, nestling at the base of those majestic mountains which shelter it from the north winds, I found the embryo of a "dream city." Six years ago West Vancouver was delightful in its prim­ itive stage, today with its beautiful driveway and numerous paved streets ambling off into the woods, it is equally charm­ ing and it holds this unique distinction, that there is no period in the future in which one could imagine it to be other than bewitchingly attractive. Some day it will be a second Berkeley with this difference, that nature has endowed it with an en­ vironment far surpassing that beautiful California city. A friend to whom the loveliness of Berkeley is a new acquaintance, wrote to me recently, "If we would but spend half the money on West Vancouver that has been spent here how wonderful the result would be." During my six years' residence here I have observed that without exception the man who once visits West Vancouver is captured, heart and soul. He may rusticate for a summer but the second year, or the third, he will have built himself a home. And this because West Vancouver is essentially an abiding place; it has all the advantages of a suburb without that "suburban atmosphere" so heartily detested by sensitive people. Its setting is precisely the proper setting for an ideal place of residence. Its picturesque shoreline and the grandeur of its sheltering mountains forever captivates one's imagina­ tion. Its warm slopes seem to have absorbed the sunshine and to reflect the joy of nature itself. Where else are there such gardens, such trees, such romantic trails winding through the woods, with a glimpse here and there of rising peaks that remind one curiously of the sacred mountains of the Orient? The wide expanse of the sea with distant isles bathed in the glory of the sunset, and off there to the south scintillating with a million fairy lights is the city in which we spend our work days. Who does not feel renewed in body and soul as he steps on board the ferry and rests for twenty minutes with his eyes on a vision of unsurpassed beauty, with a fresh sea breeze in his face rather than the stuffy atmosphere of a packed street car? Is he not bound for a place that will always woo his imagination, sooth his senses, purify his ambitions. Above all, a place that is essentially HOME. C L A S S I F I E D ADS. ENROL NOW at the Pitman Business College for the Spring Term. Con­ sult Pitman's about your training in any of the following subjects: Short­ hand, Typewriting, Bookkeeping, Advanced Accounting, Commercial Arithmetic, Business English, Add­ ing and Calculating Machines, and a general Secretarial Course. Stud­ ents are received at any time. Day and Night School. Phone Seymour 9135. Pitman Business College, 422 Richard St., Cor. Hastings Street. MORTGAGE LOANS arranged on shortest notice and on all up-to- date plans. We have had years of experience in large insurance offices and are capable of giving the very best of service in any kind of in­ surance. Consult us on all real estate, insurance or financial mat­ ters. BYRNELL & MAY At the Ferry Landing. Phone West 113 HOUSES FOR SALE -- Small and large. We have a few really good buys which we can recommend. LOTS--Some of the most desirable large sized view lots in West Van­ couver, a t very attractive prices and on good terms. GEO. HAY, 14th and Marine. Phone West 21 or Seymour 1260. R. P. CLARK A CO., LTD. dlencaglcs Golf Course and Homesites Delightful Environment "Look it over during the holidays." R. P. CLARK & CO., LTD. 823 Hastings St. W. 8ey. 7488. 7484 Local Representative C. J. ARCHER. West 651L WANTED IN DUNDARAVE--Mod­ ern furnished cottage for May and June; also one for July and August. Troughton and Barrow, West 83. DRESSMAKING--Mrs. Robbins, 29th and Mathers. Phone West 437R3. GARDENS. ROCKPITS and DRAINS made and kept in order. Phone West 121L. SAND, GRAVEL, and Black Soil de livered on Short notice. Weston Transfer. Phones West 17; Resi­ dence West 91R. FOR SALE--Modern stucco bungalow Small cash payment; two blocks from Marine Drive. Apply Mark Phillips, Inglewood Ave. and 23rd. ELECTROLYSIS--Superfluous hairs and moles permanently removed. Phone West 409L. LOST--Ladies Wrist Watch on Mar­ ine Drive or Ferries. Miss Currie, 2061 Esquimalt. Phone West 175L. ROOMS AND BOARD--Two ladies or two gentlemen in private home. Phone mornings, West 659R. GENTLEMAN WANTS ROOM AND Board. Apply "BOARD," co West Van News. 1926 FORD TOURING CAR practic­ ally new, perfect condition, spot­ light, rear view mirror, 1927 license. H. C. Osborne, Phone West 628Y or West 17. WANTED--Real Estate Salesman with car. Liberal contract for pro­ ducer. L. H. Beamish, Ambleside, Phone West 17. FOR SALE--5 room modern bunga­ low with nice garden and 3 good lots A snap, $2100. Phone West 148. RABBITS.. (Flemish Giants). Am cleaning out stock and will sell cheap. Apply 1256 Lawson Avenue. Phone West 74L2. FOR SALE--Large rabbit hutch; Price $4.50. Phone West 149L1. FOR SALE--Second Hand Kitchen coal range, also rugs. Phone West 674L. FOR SALE--Two Wicker Chairs, One rocker; Drop-leaf Table and four chairs. Apply, corner 14th and Clyde Streets. 2 LOTS, 3-ROOM COTTAGE, Stucco garage, Light, water and phone, $1325, terms. West Vancouver In­ vestment Co., 18th and Marine, Phone West 102. V. PRINGLE & SON Invite Inspection of their work a t St. Stephen's Church and the Ambleside Lumber Co. Gardens designed, made,' and maintained. Phone West 470X. W E S T V A N T R A N S F E R Daily Service to and from Vancouver We are in a position to supply you with the FINEST INSIDE FIR ever put on the market. P hone E D . B L A C K w e s t 68 Prompt Delivery BRICK ----- LIME ----- CEMENT, ETC. USED CAR SALE We have in stock a few reconditioned cars that are ex­ ceptionally good buying. All cars are in first-class condition and carry the usual service guarantee. Come and let us give you a demonstration. Very Easy Terms 1925 Chevrolet Touring................................. $550.00 1925 Ford Roadster with light deliver}' box $325.00 1924 Star Touring, new paint...........................$450.00 1921 Ford Coupe............................................ $195.00 Stevens Duryea, in perfect condition............ $750.00 and several other private and commercial models. Authorized Ford Parts West Vancouver representatives for CHEVROLETS Official Garage of B. C. Automobile Club. Free Towing to Members Marine Motors 22nd and Marine Drive PHONE WEST 177 Night Phones: West 195L and West 442R Automotive Experts Battery and Ignition Specialists