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Resampled001B6E64 January 20, 1928. Whimsical Review Visitor--"I suppose they ask a lot for the rent of this apartment?" Hostess--"Goodness, yes. They asked George seven times lest week." Sign at Swimming Pool. "Swimming ten cents if you have a suit. Twenty-five cents if you haven'." Is the extra fifteen cents to pay the fine? A Lonesome Job He was telling her his experience in the army. "Honey boy, didn't any- one help you win that war?" Several yars ago we met a boot-legging policeman. Today he is a copper still. Wife: "If I were to die, what would you do?" Husband: "Oh, the same ss you would yourself." Wife: uvretch! I have always sus- pected it." Modern Youth: "You look li!(e a sensible girl; let's get mar- ried." Modern Maid: "Nothing doing. I'm as sensible as I look." Mrs. Jones decided to buy a new hat and visited her favorite milliner's for the purpose. After she had tried on about thirty, she suddenly spotted one she liked. "Yes, this will do nice- ly," she said. ")Vill you send it homer "I will if you like, madam," answer- ed the assistant; "but it's the one you took off when you came in." Brute (teaching girl to drive car): "Put your hand out and anyone coming behind will know that you are going to turn to the right, or left, or go on, or stop, or something." He (teaching her to drive): "In case of emergency the first thing you should do is to put on the brake." She: "Why I thought it came with the car." She: "Times separates the best of friends." 'e:"Quite true. Fourteen years ago we were both eighteen. Now you are twenty-three and I'm thirty-two." Quite So The meaning of the word "collision" was being explained by the teacher to s class of small boys and girls. "A collision," she said, "is when two things come together unexpected- ly. Now, someone give me sn ex- ample." Immediately a small boy jumped to his feet and answered: "Twins." The Victorian spinster who continues to refere to legs as limbs asked the maid whether she had given the canary its morning bath. "Yes," the maid replied: "you may come in now." WANTED--A CHANCE "Will you go with me to the Zoo?" "No, thank you, I'l stay home. My eldest daughter does the Kangaroo walk, my second daughter talks like a parrott, my son laughs like a hyena, my wife watches me like a hawk, my cook is as cross as a bear, snd my mother in-law says I'm an old gorilla. When I go anywhere, I went a change.'I'm so glad to meet your hus- band again," she said. "He once made an impossioned plea for my hand." "I don't believe it," the other woman replied. "Believe it or not, as you please. He had fallen into a manhole." CAUSE FOR ALA1161 In a small village in Ireland the mother of a soldier met the village priest, who asked her if she had had bad news. "Sure, I have," she said. "Pat has been killed." "Oh, I am very sorry," said the priest. "Did you receive word from the War Office'I" "No," she said, "I received word from Pat himself." The priest looked perplexed, and said, "But how is that?" "Sure," she said, "here is the letter; read it for yourself." The letter said: "Dear biother--I am now in the Holy Land." --The Argonaut. THE WFST VAN NEWS NORTH SHORE VOTERS POLL RECORD VOTE IiN ELECTIONS As a result of the exceptional- ly heavy votes polled in all three North Shore municipalities on the occasion of the annual muni- cipal elections in 1928, this year will be allocated a prominent pos- ition in the North Shore's muni- cipal history. In the City of North Vancouver, 1749 was the new high mark attained. In the District of North Vancouver the record number of 1594 votes was piled up snd in this municipality the ratepayers established a new high mark with 1375, this being about 400 higher than the previ- ous record mark. VITAL STATISTICS FOR 1927 According to the annual report of the District Registrar of vital statistics, there were 264 births, 128 deaths and 86 marriages re- corded in the three North Shore municipalities in 1927 as compar- ed with 267 births, 121 deaths and 76 marriages in the year 1926, showing three less births seven more deaths and ten more marriages in 1927 than in 1926. The totals for the three munici- palities in 1927 were: City 188 births; 86 deaths and 54 marri- ages; District--51 births, 26 deaths and 17 marriages; West Vancouver--25 births, 16 deaths and 17 marriages. In the month of December there were 18 births, nine deaths and seven marriages recorded in the three North Shore municipalities. A. M. STEPHEN TO GO ON LECTURE TOUR A. M. Stephen, poet, novelist and lecturer, whose home is at 23rd and Heywood, gave in the Vancouver Board of Trade audi- torium Tuesday evening under auspices of the Native Sons of Canada and the Canadian Daughters'eague, the first of a series of recitals of his own work which is planned to take him across Canada. Mr. Steph- en, as president of the Child Welfare Association of B. C., is known to the general public for his active part in that phase of public activity. Although sev- eral eastern Canadian poets have toured the west lecturing and reciting, Mr. Stephen is the first British Columbia author to in- vade the east carrying the mes- sage of the west. The Impossible This is a little bit of spoof. Put the three boxes in a row on the table and aaounce that you will alter the position of the middle one without touching it. All you have to do is to lift Num- ber 1 and place it on the other side of Number 3. The box which was in the middle is now at the end of the row; its posi- tion has been altered, and you haven"t touched it! Wonderful! Classified Ads. HEbISTITCHING--Plain.. white.. 5c yard; silk and colored 10c yard. Pearce's Drygoods, 14th Street and biarine. Phone West 144. WINDOW BLINDS--blade to order and installed. Estimates free. Pesrce's Drygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. VACUUhi TO RENT--See West Van. Electr.c. Phone West 106. FOUNDATION, CEi)IEiNT WORK, Landscaping, Septic Tanks, Gener- al Contracting. T. Barnott, Resi- dence Phone )vest 672R. FOR RENT--Two furnished rooms; bedroom, dining room with balcony facing water. Use of kitchen and all home conveniences, $35 month including heat, light, t"lephone. Ap ply "Rooms" c!o West Van News. hiONEY TO LOAN $500.00 up No delay )vest Ven. Investment Coy. Notary Public. West 102 GEO. HAY 1405 hiarine Drive 315 Cordova W. &&Vest 21 Sey. 1260. 100 FOOT FROiVTAGE on hisrine Drive in Hollyburn, $1200.00. Terms. 2 AClrES adjoining and overlooking Memorial Park, $2100, Terms. NEtv 4-ROObI hiodern Bungalow near hiunicipal Hall with excellent view; on iaige lot. For quick sale $ 3750. All exclusively by We still have some very desirable modern furnished and unfurnished houses for rent. Small Girl (to neighbor): "Would you please lend mother your gramophone for the after- noon?'" Neighbor (affably): "With pleasure. You are giving a party I suppose." "No, mother wants to lie down this afternoon, and she knows it she has the gramophone she well be able to rest." It. P. Clarke rk Co. (Vancouver) Ltd. ONE ACRE--Keith lrd.. Attractively located and very inviting homesito, $350. BUILDlNG LOT on Esquimalt, be- tween 11th and 12th, for $250, terms or $225 cash. They bat in silence for a long time: then he spoke a little ner- vously. "What are you thinking a- bout?" he asked. He knew he had to say some- thing; it seemed expected of him. She blushed anil moved un- easily in her chair. "Never mind," she answered; "it's your business to propose, not mine." Fiscal Agents: It. 1'. Clarke lk Co. (Vancouver) Lr&L 623 Hastings St. W. Sey. 7193, 7431 Local Representative C. J. ARCliElr, West 651L LOST--On 12.30 ferry last Friday, parcel containing mauve Jumper. Phone Mrs. Grady, tvest rr62L. WO.IIAN WANTS WORK of any kind. Apply tvest 74R3. LOST--On Sunday afternoon between 20th and Esquimalt and Ferry wharf a Half Moon shaped gold brooch set with pearls. Will finder please phone biiss Jack, West 699R1. FOR SALE--Cow manure, well rotted, 2 yards $6.00; 4I9 yards $ 10.00. Phone West 74L2. BOY 14 IVANTS WORK after school. Willing and trustworthy. 2644 bfar- ine Drive, Dundarave. WANTED--Young girl as mother' help. Phone West 419L. FOR lrENT--Four roomed house, two chicken houses, light, water and wood on the place, 11th and hiath- ers. Apply owner, 614 West 6th Avenue, North Vancouver. Phone North 266L. USED GOODS BOUGHT -- We buy furniture, tools, stoves, and every- thing of value. Nothmg too large or too small. Stoves and furniture a specialty. Fred Tite, opposite West Vancouver Lumber Co., Ambleside. "WILLOW DENE COTTAGE" Kings Avenue, Dundarave, to rent. Five rooms, full plumbing, open fireplace, laundry tubs, beautiful situation, Adults only, $30.00. B. R. Harrison, West 404L. WEBB'S SHOE REPAIRS WEAlt BEST--Dundarave. GET )vest Van. Electric Prices on Radio, Vacuum, Irons and all elec- trical apphances. Agents for Mar- coni Radio. FOR RENT--Unfurnished Five-room Bungalow on Waterfront at Alta- mont. Phone Leyland, West 63R1. NEtVMAN rk ROBBINS -- Builders and Contractors--Painting, paper- hang.ng and kaisomining, chimneys built. 26th and Marine. Phone West 74RI. To the People of West Vancouver. I appreciate greatly the honor done me by the Ratepayers of West Vancouver in elect- ing me to a sixth term as Reeve of the Muni- cipality. V. V. VINSON To the Electors of West Vancouver I sincerely thank my friends, who by their vote and interest, elected me to the Council at the elections last week. 14th and Gordon Robt. Fiddes Res. Phone West 51L Gerald D. Elgar wishes to express his sincere appreciation of the expression of confidence shown by the people of West Vancouver in re-electing him as School Trustee. To the Electorate:-- I wish to express my sincere appreciation of your expression of confidence in again electing me as one of your representatives on the School Board. (Mrs.) M. B. ROBINSON ! 'bb Mbx Iftw w,J Good Light Means Good Sight ?Ifc National Safety Council says: 1. Light should shine on the object, not in the observer'a eye 2. Glare, which is light out of place, should be overcome by the use of diffusing glass shades. 3. Avoid the glare of reflections from polished surfaces. 4. Both too much and too httle hght strains and fatigues the eye Irritation also results from unsteady, flickering or streaked light. llsmss Cot rrrrsrs Krscnrxbsmery(h Hsao or&rica VA«couvaM a c VA&&&&&&&& && West Vancouver Election To the Voters of West Vancouver: I wish to express to the voters of tVest Vancouver my thanks and sincere appreciation of your expression of confid- ence in electing me as one of your representatives on the Council. Willian (Bill) Blair