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Resampled001B6DDE October 7, 1927. THE WEST VAN NEWS FOR RENT Several desirable furnished and un- furnished houses--3, 4, snd 5 rooms. LISTIiVGS ')VANTED CLASSIFIED ADS.CANNY TALES FRAE ABERDEEN Whimsical Review DRESSMAKING--hirs. Robbins, 28th and Marine. Phone West 74RI. FOR SALE -- Victrola, also Carpet Sweeper in good condition, $60 for both. Phone )Vast 131X. GEO. HAYIt seems that a club exists in Aberdeen, Scotland, whose main function is the manufacture of stories against themselves and their fellow citizens. The bulk of the stories have been publish- ed in book form, the author' (an Aberdeen man) idea being that a larger circle may enjoy the fruits of the club's arduous labors, No one loves a good ~joke better than the Aberdeen man, and that the jokes are a- gainst his own townsmen in par- ticular only intensifies the hum- or he sees in them. The following are a few culled from the book: An Aberdonian told a friend of his intention to pay a visit to London. His friend told him that it was veil lucky to throw a half-penny out of the carriage as he crossed the bridges on the way south. On his return home he was asked how he got on. "IVeel enough," was his reply, "I got on fine crossin'he Dee and managed a'ight at the Tay Bridge, but tbhen I came to the Forth Bridge the string got Inix- ed up with the girders and I lost my ha'enny." In a Glasgow railway station there is a "Try your strength" machine. You insert a penny and if you have the requisite strength the penny is returned. One morning an Aberdonian was discovered in an exhausted con- dition hanging on to the handle. He had been there all night. Two Aberdonians were brought the police court for being and disorderly. During hearing of the case the bailie asked the prosecutor: "But where's the other man?" "What other man,sir?" 'The man who paid for the drinks?" An Aberdonian butcher re- ceived a note the other day, which read as follows: "Please don't send the pennyworth of liv- er today. The cat has caught a mouse." A tramp stopping an Aberdon- ian in Union Street inquired- "Can ye spare a copper?" D'e ken whaur ye are, man?" replied the pedestrian, "This is Aiber- deen." Two Aberdonians and a Jew were attending what they und- erstood was a free lecture in London. During the course of ! the meeting a collection was an- nounced . The Jew fainted and the two Aberdonians carried him out. Lucky Bschclor After the wreck on the logging rail- road the superintendent asked the badly damaged negro fireman, "Are you married?" Hc replied sadly, "No suh, Boss, dis is the wurstcst fix ah was ever in." 1405 Marine Drive 315 Cordova W. 'tvest 21 Scy. 1260. IIADIO--Scc )vast Vsn. Electric about your Radio.FOR RENT --3 Room Semi-detached Bungalow. Open fireplace, $ 10 month. Apply "East Anglia," 24th and Bellevue.hIONEY TO LOAN $500.00 up No delay West Van. Investment Coy. Notary Pubhc. )Vast 102 TAILORIVG--Childrea's C'othcs Alt ovations. Phone West 53R3. FOR SALE--Baby Carriage 5.&. In good condition. Phone Wast )79. FOR REVT--Unfurnished five-room Bungalow on Waterfront at Alta- mont. Phone Leyland, West 63RI. A Scotchman visiting America was asked what he thought of prohibition. "Well," he said, "it's better than no liquor at all!" His Sad Loss "I was awfully sorry to learn that your wife had run off with your chauffeur!" "Yos. He was a very good chauf- fsur!" Mr. Newlywed: "Please, doc- tor, tell me at once--is it a 'him'r a 'her.' Doctor: "It's a 'them'." ATTRACTIVE FURNISHED 3 Room- ed Cottage to Rent. $ 15 pcr month. )Vast 148. VACUUSI TO RENT--Sce West Van. Electr.c. Phone West 103.Danish Pastries NE)V AND SECOND HAND Furni- tuca bought, sold, and exchanged. Fred Tits, Kcvilps Old Stand, Am- blssida. 2 cups Flour 1 tsp. Salt M cup Butter I Egg M cup Nuts 3 tbsp. Sugar I tbsp. Milk 3 tbsp. Butter I cup Chopped Raisins. Mix and sift flour and salt. Cut in M cup butter with 2 knives. Beat the egg and milk together and mix with the dry ingredients, adding only enough liquid to hold the mixture to- gether. Turn out on slightly floured board, roll out thin and spread with three tbsp. softened butter. Cut in four-inch squares and sprinkle with raisins, nuts and sugar. Roll like a jelly roll and press edges together. Place rolls on a baking pan, cover with a clean damp cloth and place in the refrigerator until ready to bake (they can stand three hours). Brush tops with yolk of egg mixed with a little milk and sprinkle with sugar. Bake in quick oven. Temperature, 425 degrees F. Time, 20 to 25 minutes. IL I'. Clarke & Co. (Vancouver) Ltd. SUI'ERIOR FIVF ROOM BUNGA- LOW; first class material and work- manship, superior plumbing and hardware fixtures; large light base- ment; furnace and cement floor; garden, well cultivated, corner lot; garage, convenient to High snd Public Schools; within tcn minutes and West of Ferry. This is a better class home and well built, $4750. Terms about $750 cash, and arrange ATTRACTIVE BUNGALOW of Four rooms, full plumbing, fireplace, con- vcnicnt!y situated. Good corner lot in garden and neatly fenced in; $ 2650 on terms open to arrange- ment. LAWNS MAD~ament Floors and Sidswalks laid; Rock Walls built. T. Bacnott, Residence Phone 672R. BATTERIES TESTED--Wiring, ctc. Vacuum to rent. West Van. Electric. Phone )Vast 108 NEW SIAN & ROBBINS -- Builders and Contractors--Painting, paper- hanging and kalsomining, chimneys built. 28th and Marine. Phone Wast 74RI. "How long ln feil fo'. Mosey'Two weeks." "What am de cha'gs?" "No cha'ga, everything am free." )VANTED--Girl going to High School for companion. Frea room and board Apply 1286 Duchess. SNAP IN BUILDING LOT--Paved Road, water, light and phone avail- able. Very convenient to schools, ferry, etc., 66 feet, $375. IL P. CLARK & CO. Judge: "Are you sure he was drunk?" Minion of the Law: "Well, his wife said he brought home a manhole cover and tried to play it on the phonograph." FOR SALE--Cheap, Silver Grey Chin- chilla Doc and three young. West 40GR. WE SPECIALISE in West Vancouver Ss us for Homes, Homcsitcs. Water- front, Acreage, Investment. Fiscal Agents: FOR SALE--Boy's bicycle overhauled; boy's box of tools $ o.00; chiffonier (fiva drawers) $8.00; square dinmg table $5.00. Six dining chairs $ 12. Phone West 121L CHILDREN COACHED in Arithmetic History and Geography. Terms moderate. Phone West 333. CONTINGENT DAhfAGES Motorist--I'm sorry I ran over your hen. Would a dollar make it right? Farmer--)Val& better make it two dollars. I'e a rooster that's mighty fond of that hcn and the shock is liable to kill him also. R. P. Clarke & Co. (Vancouver) Ltd. 823 Hastings St. W. Say. 7483, 7!81 Local Representative C. J. ARCHER, Wast 65!L GARAGE FOR RENT--Block from ferry. West 361.The director of the local zoo was away on holiday when he re- ceived the following note from his chief assistant: "Everything all right except that the chimpanzee seems to be pining for a companion. What shall we do until you return?" Over $85,000,000 worth of forest products were produced by British Columbia last year; this represents an increase of $3,000,000 over 1925. The apples producsd in B. C. this year if packed in 40 lb. boxes and placed cnd to cnd would reach from Vancouvor to Brandon, Manitoba. HE)?STITCHING--Plain.. white.. 5c yard; silk and colorcd ioc yard. Pearca's Dcygoods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. )VINDOW BLINDS--blade to order and installed. Estimates free. Pearcc's Dcygoods, 14th Street and biar!ne. Phone West 1-14. Women's Benefit Association of West Van will give a PROGRESSIVE WHIST DRIVE at AMBLESIDE HALL on Wednesday October 12th. THE PERSONAL TOUCH A man went into a store to buy a fountain psn. The young saleswoman gave him one to tcy,and ha covered several sheets of paper with the words, "Tempus fugit." The obliging saleswoman offered him another pcn. "Perhaps," shc said, "you'd like one of these kind better, Mc. Fugit." ROOM AND BOARD -- Offered in good comfortable home. Block from Ferry. West 361. FURNISHED BUNGALOW--For rent $35. 28th and )Vaterfront. Phone evenings West 159L3.at 8.15 p. m. sharp. Good Prizes and Refreshments. Tickets 50c each blODERN FURNISHED o-coomcdbungalow for rent Three minutes from Ferry, $31L Phone West 19Y. "Aren't you going to marry that pretty girl after all?" "No; unfortunately, she has an impediment in her speech." "How sad! What is it?" "She can't say 'yes'." Thick-Tongued Names As J. B. McSnoctcc approached the baptismal font, bearing an infant on each arm, it was plain to sca that hs was intox.sated; quite sloppy, in fact. The Reverend blister Slcnsby asked: "Girls or boys?" "One of each, fifty-fifty." "And the proposed names?" "Steak 'n Kidney." As they hustled him out of the church, J. B. explained thickly tha he meant "Kate and Sidney." "We have a goat that can pull twenty people around in a cart." "Isn't that an awfully strong goat? "Oh, yes, he's strong, but we are getting used to that." New Winter Schedule FOR Pacific Stages EII'ective Oct. 1st, 192,7 Society News--vide Local Press "We are informed that Mr. MacPherson is spending his holi- days in England." That's all he is spending.--Editor. a a There was great excitement on Deeside, a boy had fallen into the river and had been rescued just in time by a passerby. Things had calmed down a bit, the hero was approached by the boy's father and questioned:-- "Are you the man that saved~y laddie'"'Yes!" oIVhaur's his bonnet?" i ~ ~ Sandy Smith of Aberdeen, whilst travelling to Dundee got into conversation with 8 fellow passenger. Sandy was smoking ! a pipe when the stranger began to fumble about his pockets as if in search of something. "Weel, that's awfu' he said,"I'e come awa'ithout a match --Can you oblige?" Sandy hand- ed over a match. The fumbling procee&led. "Isn't that annoyingI'e left my tobacco at hame." "Ah well," replied Sandy, "Ye'llb.tter gie me back my match, ye'll no'eed it noo!" WESTBOUND: Daily Service: Lv. Vancouver North Vancouver. Amblssido ............. Hollybucn ........... Dundarave West Bay ..........--. Shcrman ............... Cypress Park ..... Caulfeild Ar. Horseshoe Bay ... 5:30 P.bl. 6:00 6:10 6:12 G:18 6:20 6:24 6:25 G:45 3&30 P.M. 4:00 4:10 4:12 4&18 4 &20 4:22 4 &25 11:30 A.bi. 12:00 12:10 12&12 12:18 12&20 12:22 12:24 12 25 8:30 P.hi. 9:00 9:10 9:12 9:18 9:20 9:24 9:25 I:30 P.bi. 2:00 2:10 2&12 2:18 2:20 2:22 2:24 2:25 2&45 11:30 P.&bi. 12:00 12&10 I'&:12 I'&&13 12:25 12:45 9:00 A.M. 9:30 9:40 9:42 9&48 9:50 9:52 9&54 9:55 10:15 IIYMN AND Hlbi The pastor announced on Sunday: 'WVhen you come to the mid-wcck meeting )Vcdncsday bring your favor- ite hymn." Miss Abigail Applesauce appeared late Wednesday evening, hcr hair mussed and hcc face pink, explaining breathlessly, "I tried to, but he wouldn't come."--Pomona Ssgehen. He: What's harder than split- ting wood'! Row: Splitting infinitives? He: No, splitting headaches. EASTBOUND: Daily Service: Lv. Horseshoe Bay ........ 7:46 A.M. 10&15 A.hL 3:05 P.bl. 7:05 P.hk Caulfcild .................... 8:00 10:SO 12:30 P.M. 3:30 4:SO P.M. 7:$0 Cypress Park ............ 8:01 10:31 12&31 3&St 4:SI 7:31 Sherman .................... 8&03 10:3312:3$ 3&3S 4:33 7:33 West Bay .................... 8:05 10:35 12:35 S:35 4:S5 7:35 Dundarave ................ 8:07 10:37 12:37 3:37 4&S7 7&87 Hollyburn .................. 8&13 10:43 12:43 3:4$ 4 &437:4$ Amblesida .................. 8&15 10:45 12:45 3:45 4:45 7&45 North Vancouver ...... 8:25 10:55 12:55 3:55 4:55 7:55 Ac. Vancouver......,......... 8:50 11:20 I:20 4:20 5:20 8 "0 I'icosa note that our service to )Vhi&ecliff I'ack hss b&en discus&inn&4. For further information Phone Seymour 4000 10:00 P.bi. 10&01 10:03 10:05 10&07 10:13 10&15 10&&5 10&50 DOING HIS BEST Sea Captain (to one ol'he many leaning over tho ship rail)--"Weak stomach, my lad?" Boy (nervously)-- WVhy, ain't I put ting it as far as the rest of tham'!" H.C. 1%L5TOR fg3LNSPORTAT$ Pgl'ACIFIC STAGES LIMITED Vancouver - North Vancouver - West Vancouver - Horseshoe Bay L Marine Drive