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Resampled001B6DB9 I- I. )'e Ie 5 ip I September 9, 1927. The Chestnut Tree HOUSEHOLD SUGGESTIONS A correspondent in a contemporary wants to know how to remove a stain from a carpet. One method is to cu: nestly round the stain w.th a safrt) razor blade and then train the cat to sleep over the hole. EA,R DIARKED Rastus wss looking for work nnd the employer was asking him the usus! questions. eIVhat's your name?" "Erastus Jackson, suh." eHow old sre you?" "Ah is 28 yeahs, suh.o "Are you married?" eNo suh. Dat scar on mnh haid ie where a mule done kicked me.o EFFICIENCY NEEDED eYou wish to marry my daughter. Can you cook, sew, wash and iron. sweep, darn, nurse children, shop-- ?" The young man gave a puzzled laugh. "Ivhy ssk me if I ean do these things?" he said. "Because,o said the elderly man, "my daughter csn't."--Epworth Her- ald. ENDED UP BAD The teacher asked the class to write a few words about George Washing- ton. One of the little boys wrote: "George Washington was the fath- er of our country, who fought for freedom all his life, end then went and got married." IVHO'S hllKE? Smell Boy: "Pa, who was Mike Huntry?o Father: "I don't know. Where did you hear about him?" Small Boy: "Well, we have been singing, 'Mike Huntry 'tis of Thee'." Decisive Enough Irishman: "You'e e Canadian, you were born in Canada." Scotchman: "No, sir. My mother and father were Scotch, so I'm Scotch." Irishman: "You were born in Can- ada. So you are a Canadian even if your parents were Scotch." V Scotchman (heatedly): e)Veil. if a :at had kittens in the oven would you call them biscuits?" Strong Johnny and his father were out pul- ling weeds one day. And Johnnic happened to pull up a big one witn lots of mud on it, and he said, oHey, Pop. ain't I strong?" Then his father says, "I'l say ym are!" Then Johnny pipes up: "I guess I am! The whole world was hanging on the other end of it." A Dangerous Practice Judge: oYou are charged with throwing your mother in-law out of the window." Prisoner: "I done it without think- ing, sir." Judge: "Yes, but you see how dan- gerous it might have been for anyone passing by at the time?" A Frenchman was visiting his Eng- lish host whose dog began to bark in a ferocious manner. The English friend said, "Don't be afraid, ycu know the old adage, "Barking dogs never bite.' eYes!" said the Frenchman. eI know ze adage, and you know ze adage, but ze dog, does he know ze adage?" GETTING THE LICENSE The lady goes to the New York automobile bureau for a license. She has her picture taken in s little pho- tograph gallery; then she drives a- round the block with an exaininer to show him she knows an automobile from a stone crusher, and then the dear thing has to sit down and answer the following questions, and she does, in the following manner: Q.--How old are you7 A.--Over 18. Q.--Have you ever driven anything before? A.--Nothing but my husband. Q.--IVhat is the first rule of the road? A.--Watch out for motor cops. Q.--What is the second rule of the road? A.--Don't let anything run into you or run past you. Q.--If your engine stalls in traffic, what do you do? A.--Try to start it. Q.--In parking the car, which side should be nearest the curb? A.--The side that is next to the sidewalk. Q.--IVhat would you do if your steering gear broke? A.--Drive to the nearest garage and have it fixed. Q. What would you do when the batteries run out? A. Try to get them back. Q.--Which has the right of way- s car on the main thoroughfare or one on the side street intersection? A.--The one that gets there first. Q.--What is the accelerater ? A.:The name of something you put your foot on that has something to do with something inside the car. Q.--What is the charging indicator? A.--The bill you get from the ga- rage. Q.--Where should you have your license plates? A.--On the car of course. Q.--What is meant by "short cir- cuit?" A.--Going around by the shortest way. Q.--What furnishes the motive power of the car? A.--My husband.--Farm Life. The Value of Industries There are 4138 industries in B. C. with a total payroll of 3159,959,820. Manufacturers of food products in B. C. paid out last year 59,110,298 to over G000 employees. British Columbia factories use 3100 000,000 worth of materials each year; only 1 per cent. of this amount is im- ported from outside the province. 4,200 employees draw over 58,000,- 000 in salaries from B. C. manufac- turers. The people of Br.tish Columbia consume on an average of 24 lbs. of butter per year. B. C. is only produc- ing about 6,600,000 lbs, so that about 8,000,000 lbs. has to be imported. The 138 manufacturing plants of Victoria turned out 310,700,000 worth of goods last year; they employed 2,450 workers and paid out 33,050,000 in salaries and wages. The fruit and vegetable canneries of British Columbia last year pro- duced goods to the value of 33.300,000 and paid out $525,000 in wages. New Westminster has 55 factories employing 2000 workers; 38,000.000 is mvested in these plants, which pro- duced 39,400,000 worth of goods last year. The firms engaged in manufactur- ing house furnishings in B. C. em- ploy 350 uage earners. They psy out in wages and salaries about 5515,- 000 per year. There are 226,018 male buyers over 15 years of age in B.C., and 179,- 336 female buyers of a like age: their spending power is about 5392,000,000 per year, or about f3.21 per day per person. British Columbia for the fourteenth successive year has produced more Fish than any other province of Can- ada, the output in 1926 being valued at 525.000,000. BOzO Butts They Drive. Him Nuts IN THE HAEY LIEHT Or- AFPROACH tice G O'LISkr WHE WILt -EYEIx HINeru, wITH A, FIENteisH cHVCKLE OF 'TRIVMI'H, CREPT SLOWLY 'TOWARt,S THE IERROR-STRICKEN L'ENORF-- wITH A sHRIEk oF Hoa:ROR- CONTINVEte OA1 PArS C 87 rl THE WEST VAN NEWS IVEST VANCOUVER BOARD OF SCHOOL TRUSTEES Night Glasses The Board of School Trustees is prepared to institute night classes during the winter months in the following subject"., provided sufficient applications are received: WOODWORKING DRESSMAKING SHORTHAND 8e TYI'EVVRITING BOOK-KEEPING BASKETRY MH.LINERY A minimum number of ten is required to form a class in any one subject, and all applications for enrollment are to be in the hands of the Secretary by September 21st, 1927. H. B. GARLAND Secretary Board of School Trustees. CLASSIFIED ADS. R. P. CLARK EI (,'o. Ltd T1VO 66-fL LOTS in good corivenient residential location looking south, for 5500 each or terms. Nearly sll cleared and splendid soiL WATERFRONT LOT, -- West Bsy, IVater, light, phone available, 51650. Terms third rash. ANOTHER st Altamont in quiet lo- cation at f1850 or close offer. Terms to suit purrhaser. NEAT FOUR ROOD! BUNGALOW, Conveniently s.tuated event of ferry. Full plumbing, fireplace, wired for range. well kept garden. Owner will accept nearest offer to 33000, on easy terms. FIVE ACRE BLOCK near Kei(h Road for 52000; terms if required. IVE SPECIALISE in West Vancouver Homes, Homesites, Ivaterfront and Acreage. Fiscal Agents: R. P CLARK ge CO., LTD. 823 Hastings St. W. Sey. 7483, 7434 Local Reprassntatire C. J. ARCHER, West 651L HEMSTITCHING -- Peeress.. Dry Goods, 14th Street and Marine. Phone West 144. DRESSMAKING--Mrs. Robbins, 29th snd Mathers. Phone West 437R3. NEW AND SECOND HAND Furni- ture bought, sold, and exchanged. Fred Tits, Kevili's Old Stand, Am- bleside. RENT--Attractive bungalow, semi- furnished; 5 rooms. garage, modern; near Marine Drive and Waterfront on 31st Street. 336. Phone West 430L2. FOR BUILDING, Contracting and all kinds of construction work Phone Colin E. Turner, West 679R. GARAGE FOR RENT--Near Bus Ter- minal at West Bay; reasonable rent. Phone West 151XR WAVTED--Half dozen Wyandotte Pullets. Phone 154 L. WANTED--Reliable hlother's Help. Whole or part time. Sleep out. hire. Bayfield Phone West 343. LAWNS DIADE--Cement Floors and Sidewalks laid; Rock Walls built. T. Barnott, Residence Phone 672R. CAULFEILD -- Large ex«eptionall) well built house to let. unfurnished, on lease. 5 bedrooms 2 bathrooms. Apply Mrs. Adams, West 697L1. FOR PvVT--Unfurnished fire-room Bungalow on Waterfront at Alta mont. Phone Leyland, West 63R1. FOR SALE--Range (Gurney Ozford) also mattress and open heater. Phone West 475R. LOST--Tan Collie Dog, lame. If found or seen please phone West 1G5R3. DON'T SELL at a Sacrifice, the piano you value. Thoroughly responsible party would gladly store it in well- built house for use of same. Phon~ West 423L FOR RENT Plastered Bungalow Fireplace. Full plumbing. Semi- furnished or unfurnished. Seymour 1461. FOR SALE--Four room Bungalow. Fully modern; well planned; a snap. West 148. NEWDIAN ek ROBBINS -- Builders and Contractors--Painting, paper- hanging and kalsomining, chimneys built. 29th and D?athers. Phone )Vest 437R3. FIR 1VOOD--Cut any length. Youcan't get better 38 per cord Phone West 17. Hobb Coal and Transfer Coy. A CABINEI'EIVIiVG i)IACHINE-- as good as new, 623.00. Phone West 169L3. FOUND--Purse with small sumof of money. P. J. Nash, Esquunalt at 11th Street. SHE cLoSEt EYES AS SwARTHY ARNI S OF 7HE BRVTE CLOSEte AbauT HER LIKE?HE IENTACLES OF SOME HORRIBLE SEPe-MONSISF JUST THEN 'THE trOOP OFEIVEUZ Acute JACk'. LEFFINEWELL- CoNTINush OLI PeeepE IBG o NE'IV UP-TO-DATE BUNGALOW of Five rooms; just completed on splen. did view lot 60x140. Facing south. Real good value at 33200, on terms. DOUBLE CORNER, leex122. iilathcrs Avenue. Only 3225; 350 cash and 315 a month will handle LISTINGS IVAiVTED GEO. HAY 14th and Manne Dnve, Phone West 21 315 Cordova )vest Seymour 1260 B C Paper mills produced last year 148/01 tons of neeeesprint and 9,- 2G1 tons of kraft, wall manilla. tis- sue, wrapping, bag and building pa- pers. B. C. Produced last year 6 1-2 per cent of the total pulp and paper out- put of Canada, her share being valued at 314,466,000. B. C. manufacturers of pulp. pa- per and paper produrts, paid out 53; 989,000 in wages to 2+00 workers last year. The apples produced m B. C. this year equalled the combined tonnage of five Empress liners. For the past 13 years, B. C. has produced more fish than any other province in Canada. There are 505 factories in Vancou- ver representing an investment of 395,000,000; they employ 14,000 work ers and psy out 317,500.000 in salar- ies snd wages; they used this year about 545,000,000 worth of materials and turned oet products valued at about f80,000,000. 35.06 per cent. of the industrial pay roll of B. C. is located in Greater Van roll of B. C. is located in Greater Van- couver. The industrial payroll of British Columbia in 1926 amounted to $200; 000,000 an inrrease of about 25%v over the 1926 total. Lese year British Columbia had five mills manufacturing pulp and paper. The output for the year amounted to 230,723 tons of pulp made up of 95,614 tons of sulphite, 168,85G tons of sulphate, 121,363 tons of ground wood. It t- Ie Ig !h xl et ee h- Id J ip O'0 IM 'Up ds, Uif to Fee )Ul !TO lo eee Pigs First The doctor was examining school children. One youngster was under weight. "You don't drink milk?" "Nope." "Live on a farm and don't drink ! milk at all?" "Nope, we ain't got hardly enough inilk for the hogs." "This morning I found a purse!" "Did you take it back to the own- ei'? oNo. He offered a reward and it hurt my pride." Dfr. and Mrs. Fred Stone are exceed- ingly proud of their three lovely daughters. An admirer of the comedian was talking about their family "back etage" a few days ago. "Have you nothing but girls?" the insn inquired. "Nothing but girls'?o replied Stone. "Ivhy, man alive, we have everything but boysl" He's An English Shark Teeacher: "I have went. That' wrong, Isn't it?" Johnny: "Yes, ma'sm.o Teacher: e)vhy is it wrong?o Johnny: eBecause you ain't went yet." "Rube" Goldberg Aweeerrer Ser iee~ Ir*r e zeeea OOFJT I NVEtz IN ciuR NEKT" RVSHE?z 'IN ANte LA Itr THE FIENte FLA~ Otu HIS BACK WI~HA W ELL-AIMet BLow.ON t'E JAW- HE GATHEREte THE LIMP fi-RH C F THE BEIoruTIFVL GIRL !IJ HIS FOWEPFUI ARNI S ANte PREPAREt TO FLEE wITH HER To THE A!AERICAN CON- SVLA&E-E uT JVST !I!Ere T!em CVR'TAIFJS PAR?Etr ANte SIXIEEN BLACIC. trEMONS- CONTI NVEte oN O HE'L HAI!E BE TR IrEN AwAY SLAM FIE-- I'M A trOOR I Feeoti au ACAtreMT I'7 FITS 'NBA'T ARE DIOiVEY TO LOAN 3500.00 up No delay West Van. Inrestment Coy. Notary Public. West 102 'Thomas Had Good Grounds Thomas Jee?erson Jackson, a large colored man, was being tried for as- sault and battery upon his wife, Irene. The judge asked him to state his case, which he did, as follows: "Jedge, Ah's a bard workin'ian, Ah is. T'ther day Ah looks roundfo'ah wife and don'ee her, so Ah goes upstairs an'ere she is prinkiu'erselfbefo' mirror. 'Irene," Ah says, 'where is mah meals?'Go on,man.'he says, 'Ah's a niember of a lodge nowy "Jcdsm dis made me sore and Ah asked her again fo'ah victuals, snd she said, 'Ah done tol'ou once, Ahsin't got no time to bodder wid you, Ah belong to ds Ladies'rtillery rb de Collud Eaglen'Jedge, Ah got so mad dat Ah pick- ed her right up and threw hcr out de window and said, 'lf you's a eagle, d«n fiyr "