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- 2 Then what of the dim circus elephant who, tired of being punished for forgetting his tricks, practiced by moonlight to get them right? Cows in Persia can count: they lift a hundred buckets of water a day to irrigate the King's park - but not one more. Phaedimus replies for marine animals. Fish must be brainy, being almost uncatchable. Sacred crocodiles in Egypt recognize the priests' voices when they call, and open their mouths to have their teeth cleaned. Tunny fish are experts in optics and maths: having weak right eyes, they always keep their left to seaward to watch out for danger, and they feed in schools formed into perfect cubes. Dolphins have rescued countless humans from the sea. And so on and on and on. Mere telepathy rather pales beside all this. [Peter Jones, in the London Sunday Telegraph] APPALLING SARTORIAL JUDGEMENT If I were a dictator for a day, I would ban anyone over 40 from wearing shorts in town, on the aesthetic grounds that it offends the eye. London is awash with grey-haired granddads displaying their white shanks and women of a certain age got up in boy-scout khakis, all turn and derriere. This is a universal truth: anyone past "la quarantaine" looks a fool in above-the-knee shorts. Joanna Lumley, Isabella Rosselini or Jean Shrimpton could not get away with it, so neither can thee or me. But perhaps instead of being appalled by the poor sartorial judgement of others, I should admire their happy acceptance of another universal truth: that you can look ridiculous and still have a beautiful character. [Mary Kenny, in the London Sunday Telegraph] HOT AND COLD August is when you drink iced tea to cool off from the warmth of the sweater you're wearing to ward off the chill of the air-conditioning you have on because it's August. [Reader's Digest] A DOZEN BOOKS AT A TIME My wife and I are avid readers and regularly visit our local library to select a dozen books at a time. Over the years it has become increasingly difficult and time-consuming to select good books that we haven't previously read. One evening, after more than an hour's search, I finally found the last of my limit of books and went over to the corner chair where I had been piling them. To my dismay I saw they were gone! I asked the young lady who worked in the library if she knew what had happened to them. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Someone left them on the chair by mistake so I put them all back." [Reader's Digest] WHO'S ON FIRST? Hoping to avoid a parking problem, my husband rented a private parking place. Still, there were times when he came home to find another car occupying his spot. It became a source of irritation. One sunny weekend I suggested we go for a drive. "We cant." my husband said. "Someone will take my parking space." Exasperated, I asked, "What's the point in having a car?" "How else will I keep my spot?", he asked. [Reader's Digest] FINAL WORDS Hope you are enjoying this lovely summer. See you in September. If I had no sense of humour, I should long ago have committed suicide. [Mahatma Gandhi] Tony Scammell Editor