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performing arts by Leanne Campbell All Aboard: The Comedy Railroad Canadian/American W o m e n of C o m e d y Tour. T h e C o m e d y Railroad's n e x t s t o p is o n F e b r u a r y 5 at the C a p i l a n o College Performing A r t s Centre. H e a d l i n i n g that night will be h u m o u r i s t and v e n t r i l o q u i s t D o n Bryan. "I'm n o t really a c o m e d i a n , n o r am I a puppeteer," r e s p o n d s Bryan, w h e n asked h o w he bills h i m s e l f . " M y inspirations w e r e C h a r l i e M c C a r t h y and Edgar Bergen. Bergen was my h e r o w h e n I was a kid." B r y a n list e n e d t o Bergen's r a d i o show, and w h e n he t o l d his f a t h e r that he w a n t e d t o be o n the radio, t o o , his dad, p r o v i n g that j o k i n g runs in t h e family genes, t o l d his s o n , " Y o u have a great face f o r radio." In s c h o o l {he g r a d u a t e d f r o m N o r t h V a n c o u v e r High S c h o o l in 1961), Bryan was always building things such as r o c k e t ships and r o b o t s , and, i n s p i r e d by his i d o l B e r g e n , built his first v e n t r i l o q u i s t ' s dummy. "I'm o n e of t h e f e w v e n t r i l o quists w h o actually craft t h e i r o w n figures," says Bryan. H i s main c h a r a c t e r s are Mr. N o s e w o r t h y , a haughty, naughty, k n o w - i t - a l l , and Miss A n n i e , a s p i n s t e r who, according to Bryan,"doesn't take any guff f r o m N o s e w o r t h y . She thinks he's a pain." T h e dolls d o n ' t sit o n Bryan's knee but stand o n t h e i r o w n legs. "It's a unique and i n d e p e n d e n t style," notes B r y a n , " W e ' r e just like a c o u p l e of guys standing t h e r e . I use a r o d - c o n t r o l f o r N o s e w o r t h y ' s left a r m , and it makes him e x t r e m e l y animated. It's a small e v o l u t i o n a r y piece of business that I eventually c a m e t o [which] n o b o d y else is doing, s o r t of like [what] B e r g e n d i d , w i t h C h a r l i e M c C a r t h y o n t h e table." B r y a n has t r a v e l l e d extensively and has a p p e a r e d o n stage w i t h n o t a b l e names such as Eddie Murphy. D o l l y P a r t o n . a n d Patricia Y e a r w o o d . H e w a s i n t e r v i e w e d o n t h e Alan Thicke Show, p r o f i l e d in a segment o f the Performers, and has played E d m o n t o n ' s Klondike Days, o n several c r u i s e ships and at c o n v e n t i o n s . It was o n a t r i p t o a 1998 c o n v e n t i o n in N e v a d a that o n e of t h e v e n t r i l o q u i s t ' s w o r s t fears w a s realized. H e a r r i v e d at the a i r p o r t in Las Vegas, but his p a r t n e r s , in his luggage, did not. A s s h o w t i m e a p p r o a c h e d and t h e luggage was still n o t f o u n d , Bryan and his agent s c o u t e d a r o u n d the h o t e l lobby f o r a N o s e w o r t h y stand-in. "I d i d have a spare head in a s h o u l d e r bag," says Bryan. " A head, but n o body. So w e bought a stuffed K e r m i t the F r o g and I s t a r t e d [during the s h o w ] w i t h t h a t . T h e n I b r o u g h t o u t t h e head, i m p r o v i s i n g lines like, ' T h i s is t h e first o u t - o f - b o d y e x p e r i ence I've ever had.'" W h e n asked w h a t t h e a u d i e n c e can e x p e c t f r o m his F e b r u a r y show, B r y a n r e p l i e s , " I t ' l l be a s u r p r i s e - f o r m e as w e l l . I guess I've b e e n v e r y lucky that I've b e e n able t o use my material p r e t t y m u c h intact. I change the situations and names, and adapt Don Bryan and Noseworthy T he C o m e d y R a i l r o a d has n o t h i n g t o d o w i t h w h i s t l e stops o r i r o n horses. It's the b r a i n c h i l d of N o r t h V a n c o u v e r resident and c o m e d i a n H e n r y W a t s o n , w h o wants to offer c o m e d y s h o w s in a s m o k e and a l c o hol-free e n v i r o n m e n t " E v e n t h o u g h it's n o t a t r a i n , t h e C o m e d y R a i l r o a d c o m e s at y o u like a l o c o m o t i v e , " says W a t s o n , w h o r e p o r t s that the inaugural p r e s e n t a t i o n at the C e n t e n n i a l T h e a t r e last O c t o b e r went very well, though the a t t e n d a n c e was b e l o w e x p e c t a t i o n s . " O u r aim is t o s h o w c a s e talents w h o , w i t h o u t being crass o r using a lot of bad language, have t h e ability t o m a k e p e o p l e laugh. M y w i f e , W e n d y , and I saw a huge v o i d in c o m edy o n t h e N o r t h S h o r e , and w e w a n t e d t o t r y t o fill that gap w i t h quality material." A s o w n e r s of C a n A m E n t e r t a i n m e n t , the W a t s o n s have p r e s e n t e d c o m e d y s h o w s a r o u n d t h e L o w e r M a i n l a n d f o r the past t e n years, including the p o p u l a r